My Physical

I had my adoption physical yesterday. It went well, but they are closed from today until Monday for the holidays so I was not able to get my TB test since it has to be read at 48 hours after the test. I am going back Monday afternoon and will go back on Wednesday afternoon to get it read. The Husband has his physical on Wednesday and has to go back Friday afternoon to get his test read.

I got my Moral Conduct thingy notarized before my appointment and the Husband will be getting his done in the next few days. We plan on turning in those forms along with our physicals when we turn in our application and payment for the home study.

I have to get with our references this weekend and get them started on their letters. I kind of feel bad that they have to take time to not only write the letter but get it notarized and all this formality. It doesn't seem fair that not only do we have to do so much to start our family, but now our family and friends have to jump through hoops too. Well enough whining.

I bought the first baby item since we started our adoption process. Sure we have a box full of baby stuff from previous pregnancies and things we picked up on sale during our many years of trying, but this is the first thing I bought specifically with this adoption in mind.

You would think it would be something really spectacular or significant. Maybe it would have a lot of sentimental value. Or maybe it would be something from the "have to have on hand in case of a stork drop" list. No, it was none of those things. It's a dishwasher basket for baby stuff. I bought the white one with orange accents. I like orange and it fits boy or girl.

I have spent hours browsing the baby aisles of Walmart and Target (Babies R Us is about 40 minutes away and my friend M and I are planning a trip together so that she can give me advice.) and I am having a really hard time finding things that are on my immediate needs list that are gender neutral and still something I would like. I know that I only want the very minimum in gender neutral stuff. I actually selected gender neutral for the gear like car seats, strollers, swings and play yards, but for the little things like blankets and pacifiers I want it to be girly or boyish. I don't mind a little green and yellow, but I don't want completely non-specific stuff.

I am hoping that our trip to Babies R Us will yield better results.

In the mean time, if anyone is out there reading this, I could really use some advice on a couple of things. First, where can I get baby towels that don't cost more than good quality adult towels. I don't care if it has a cute appliqued frog on it, I just want it to dry my baby and be small and thin enough to wrap the kid in but still be absorbent.

The second question is where can I find an old fashioned diaper pail that doesn't cost $50. I don't want the fancy type that wraps each individual diaper in a plastic bag. Just a plastic bucket with a tight fitting lid. And if it had a foot pedal then that's even better. I have considered a trash can, but don't know it that would work or not. I really don't want the smell to escape when the lid is closed. From looking online and in the stores at Walmart and Target I am having no luck. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

More updates soon.

Paperwork

I am so excited to finally get started on the paperwork for the home study. I know I will probably change my tune by the time we are done, but right now it feels like we are accomplishing something to get us closer to our baby.

I called the agency to figure out how to get this process started. Turns out it is very easy. The Husband will be dropping off our application (already filled out and ready to go) along with our affidavits of good moral character and our fees for the application and the home study. They will mail our home study packet to us within two days so we can start filling out the questionnaire.

I asked a few questions about what to expect with the home study since the experiences I have read online have varied so widely. We are using their social worker and I was told to expect one visit where she will tour our house making sure it is suitable for living in and go over our answers to the questionnaire with us. She told us we do not need a nursery already set up or covers on the outlets and baby locks on the cabinets.

She also emailed me the forms for the Physician's report. I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow and will get mine filled out. I will make an appointment for DH once I talk to him about his schedule.

The final form she emailed was the personal reference form. I have already selected who will be doing these. We are required to have 5 references and one can be family. I plan to end up with a few extra since we both want to use our brothers and I have two friends who are very close and will be offended if they don't get to participate and the other does. Better to have too many people who are willing to help you out than too few.

Well, hopefully I will have more exciting updates soon.

Baby Fever

I have it bad. I make lists of things I will need and have even browsed the baby section at the grocery store to get a fix. The only problem is that it is hard to plan when you don't know the sex of the baby or even when it will be born.

I keep worrying that we will get matched quickly and be totally unprepared. Luckily I have an amazing friend, M, who has volunteered to loan me her car seat so that we can have it on hand. That way we won't be doing the crazy rush to pick one up on the way to get the baby and can wait to order ours once the baby is born. I have already picked out the model I want, but it has to be ordered on the internet and it comes in several fabric choices and I don't want to commit to a choice and then a better one comes out.

She has also volunteered any thing else we need since her son is now two years old. We are planning to get together soon and spend the day looking through her baby stuff for things I can use. I still intend to buy our own stuff once we know what our situation will be, but this will be a load off my mind in the being prepared department. Now I just need to stock up on bottles and blankets and the other little things you have to have.

Since M and I have a little business making diaper bags, burp cloths, bibs and blankets, I just need to pick out a cute fabric and I can have that out of the way. I was planning on something unisex and cool anyway so the Husband doesn't feel silly carrying the bag.

I found a couple of basic scrapbooks that might work for our profile, but they are online so I can't really see them and be sure. I have checked my little tiny Jo-Ann store, but I think I should look at the Super Jo-Ann before ordering them online. They have a much larger selection and will probably have something that will be a good size and price. I don't want a big 12" x 12" book and I don't want it to look like a fancy, leather bound scrapbook either. I am picturing something maybe spiral bound with a space on the front for a picture ideally. I checked out the local scrapbook store and they have loads of beautiful scrapbook papers that are low key.

I have been researching the profile and considering what we were told at the seminar and have decided we are keeping the dear birth parent letter short and to the point and adding lots of small chunks of info next to the pictures. This seems to be the advice from people who have been through the process. From what we are hearing, potential birth moms like lots of pictures and they like the info scattered around in smaller portions rather than page after page of small text that must get overwhelming to read.

Other than picking up as much overtime at work as possible, that is all that we are up to right now.

Orientation Complete

Yesterday was our orientation. There were 2 other couples and 3 individuals in the meeting. One of the individuals was a woman who stated that her husband was not able to make it. The other 2 may be adopting as single parents, but I am not sure.

One of the couples has a birth mother from out of state lined up. They will be going through the law firm side of the process and will have much less expense. Another person expressed an interest in adopting a sibling group and was looking for a toddler more than an infant. The rest seemed interested in newborn domestic, like the Husband and I.

One couple has used the agency a few years ago and were still completing their home study when they got word of a stork drop. They know they won't probably get that lucky this time, but are very excited anyway. Their story reminds me that I need to really get things together early in the process because you just never know what can happen.

The seminar was probably very informative to someone who has not researched adoption and the laws in their state, but I have been reading up on it like crazy, so while some of the info I had already found was explained in greater detail, I don't feel like I learned anything new and surprising. It does count for 3 hours of our 10 required adoption education hours, but the class actually lasted well over 4 hours.

We have decided to sign with the agency after the first of the year. We just want to get through the holidays right now. We would not start the home study before then anyway.

I did find out that there will be a form for the Doctor to fill out when we get our physicals. The Director told me I could call one of her staff members and she would probably give me the form early, but I think we will just wait until we sign up.

We also found out that we will need 5 copies of our profile. Since we only need this small amount, I will probably do them in actual scrapbooks. I have lots of free time at work and really, the cost of the supplies, many of which I already have, will probably be less than making color copies of a large profile. She told us to include lots of pictures and said that we can do one book and submit it to them and they will pass it around the staff and critique it for us. We will definitely be taking advantage of this as they would know better than anyone what birth mothers are looking for in a profile.

We also found out that they average 50-55 waiting families. They say that they make every effort to match a family and child within 1 year. If a family is approaching their one year mark, they start looking at the stork drop option for them. She said they get quite a few stork drops each year.

That is really all the details we learned right now. Until we sign I will just be working on the holidays and decorating and painting the house. I will also be gathering pictures and probably working on our profile and birth mother letter a little bit too. The agency sent samples and I am sure I can find a ton of guidance and ideas online.

Killing Time

We are signed up for the Adoption Agency class that they offer to potential clients. The class is next week and I am hoping to have even more of our million and one questions answered. It is limited to only 4-5 couples, so we should have plenty of time to ask questions related to our particular circumstances.

I have spent the last week browsing the online baby sections of popular superstores and reading adoption blogs. I have also made list after list of things we will need to have on hand in case of a "baby born" situation as the pros like to call it.

I just spent 30 minutes researching pacifier clips. It's a sickness I tell you.

I will be so glad to get started on the home study. I am hesitant to schedule appointments for our physicals until I find out exactly what they expect from the Dr. Fingerprinting is one of the first things we will do once we find out how they want it done. Our documents are in order and ready for inspection. The house is a work in progress. We moved in just over a year ago, but we have been slow to decide on colors for the walls and this has held up everything else as a result. It is a brand new home and is definitely livable, just not as completely decorated as I would like.

I have been giving friends and family a heads up about potential help we will need from them in the form of recommendation letters and pictures for our profile. I need to get a new picture of the front of our house now that the landscaping has matured a little. Sounds like a good project for tomorrow.

The Husband just found out he will be starting a new job at the beginning of the year. It is a good move for him career wise in regards to stability and benefits. It will take away from his extreme flexibility in a way, but he will most likely be well past his six month probationary period and have lots of sick and vacation time banked by the time we need it, so no worries there.

My real concern is the fact that we both changed jobs within 4 months of (hopefully) being put on the waiting list and have moved twice in 2 years. It is easily explainable as we moved here from out of state and rented for the first year so that we could take our time finding the perfect house. Once we built the house, we had moved away from the area we originally lived and worked in, so we have both made career changes based on this fact. The area we now live and work in is a wonderful area to raise a family and has a great school system and a low crime rate. I just need to figure out how to explain this in our profile so we don't come across as unstable.

Well, more updates soon.

FMLA and Adoption

Ever since we have been trying to get pregnant, I have always saved my sick and vacation time for when the baby was born. I have also always made sure I had an Aflac disability plan in place so that I would have that income available in case of bed rest or for after the baby was born. Adoption has put a snag in my plans.

I just started my new job in October. I accrue 8 hours paid vacation and 8 hours paid sick leave each month. I also have a personal holiday that I can take when needed, but I can't carry them over from the previous year. I called our HR department today just to make sure there was not some kind of adoption assistance offered. There is not, but I will qualify for FMLA. That means that I can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave after we adopt. I have to use my sick time first and then my vacation. After that, they will send an email to all employees asking for donations.

I am not sure how I feel about asking for donations. I have a co-worker who's daughter was born several months early and weighing just over 1 lb. I just received an email requesting donations for him and if I had anything to give I would, but being so new I don't have anything to offer. To me, that qualifies as an emergency. I don't think an adoption really qualifies.

I did the math, and it is going to take at least a couple of months to even get in the pool of qualified adoptive families. Who knows how long after that. I mean, we hope soon, but it could be a year or more easily. If it's a year from when I started with my new job, then I would have almost 5 weeks of leave saved between sick and vacation. I could safely take 4 weeks, leaving a buffer in case I or the baby get sick. The Husband could probably take 2. He works for our friend at it is just the two of them, so no set policy or plan for this kind of situation, but our friend is the kindest person I know, so I am sure he would give him all the time we needed. If worse came to worse, the Husband could pack the baby up and take her/him to work if he had to. I have no doubt my Mom would mind taking a week to spend with the new grandchild. Not to mention that she has been at her job for like 20 years and accrues crazy amounts of vacation time.

That puts us at 7 weeks. Not bad between the group of us.

I have other alternatives also. My Dad is retired, but he doesn't drive because of a heart condition. He is doing great with his heart, but because of an internal defib he doesn't feel comfortable endangering other drivers along with himself should it go off. I would not ask my Dad to babysit all the time, but he would be good in a pinch. I worry about the not driving but if it's a real emergency he would call 911 anyway and if if was semi important, my Mom works like 3 minutes away. The only drawback to that is that they live about 25 minutes away from where we live and I work. The husband would only go about 10 minutes out of his way to go there on his way to work though. There is also my Mother-in-law. They leave about 45 minutes away, but would help if needed. It just wouldn't be a good solution for permanent. My Grandparents would love to help, but my grandmother can't lift anything over 10 lbs and my grandfather broke his left arm and cannot lift with that arm. It would be too hard for them to watch an infant for an entire day.

I hope to find a nanny. With my schedule it would make more sense and be more cost effective. I work 12 hour shifts and only work 3 days one weeks and 4 days the next. On the week that I work 4 days, 2 of those days are on a weekend when the Husband is off. This means I would only need childcare for 5 days every 2 weeks. Daycare does not work with that kind of schedule.

My friend, M, has a nanny now that lives about 15 minutes away. She started out coming to M's house, but now she sometimes takes little M back to her house for the day so she can get stuff done. She is an awesome nanny, very devoted to little M. She acts like a grandmother. She also cleans M's house and does laundry when she is there. She is also very reasonable and works around our odd schedule. The only problem is that her husband has recently been having heart problems and she has had to tell M that she cannot watch little M a few times in the last couple of months. The occasional call out does not bother me, especially since she gave M plenty of notice. I could just use a back up plan person. The concern I have is that if his health continues to fail, she will not be able to care for both him and an infant. Of course she is not the only nanny in the world, but we are new to this area and don't know many people. I am putting out the word at work in case someone knows of someone.

Well, enough babbling for now.

And On To The Next Phase

So we are not pregnant. I kinda new deep down inside, but waited for the proof before totally giving up hope.

We are sticking to our guns about not continuing with the fertility treatments. We are ready to move onto adoption.

So ready, in fact, that I spent hours researching agencies. I narrowed it down to six choices and made calls and grilled them about everything I could think of. That narrowed it down to two choices and when the packets started coming in, the choice was made.

Funny thing is that the first agency I called was the one we have selected. They were professional and friendly. Their stats and wait times are believable and their prices are right in line with what I had expected after my research. They were honest about potential roadblocks.

I called this morning and secured our spot for the December orientation. In about two weeks we will spend four hours asking every question we can think of and soaking up all the information they can give us.

I am prepping for the homestudy now. I have emergency phone number lists to laminate and post by the phone, birth certificates and marriage licenses to pull, Doctors appointments for physicals to schedule and so much more.

We also need to fill out our packet and start thinking about our profile. So much research.

We are so excited to think that we could be parents soon. I promise to do better about updates. At least now I will have things to say.

Now off to figure out how to change the little description thingy in my title bar.

Nothing new here

Just an update to state there is nothing to update. I have been having a kind of crampy feeling on the right side that I am thinking is a cyst on my right ovary. Nothing new and to be expected with the meds I took for this cycle.

It's still 3 more days before I can test. I am aiming for Thursday because I am confident the Ovidrel will be out of my system and if I am knocked up it should show on a test by then.

I have avoided buying the tests because if I have them in the house I will pee on them. My theory is that if I see a positive then I will assume it's the Ovidrel talking and if I see a negative I will assume it's just too early, so why waste the tests and get myself all crazy over it.

I am pretty proud of myself and how calmly I have been waiting. I seem to have lost that really confident feeling I had right after the IUI. I realize that this is still a long shot and not a guarantee by any means.

I have also felt relief every time I remind myself that this is the last cycle of meds and procedures. Adoption has become a welcome thought to me. The Husband also seems more ready to move on. I am not researching anything right now because I don't want to jinx the chance we have, but I have made it well known to all of our family and friends that these are our intentions.

So to sum it all up, this will either become a pregnancy blog or an adoption blog in the next week or so. Either way, wish us luck.

The Procedure

I was amazed at how calm I was leading up to the actual IUI. Normally I worry and obsess over every little medical thing, but I was relaxed and confident.

Since we live so far from the OB/GYN office, we had to decide when to "collect". It finally occurred to me that there was a men's restroom in the main lobby of the woman's center where my Dr's office is. Since we needed to be there early and since it was a woman's center, I was confident that there would not be a huge crowd for the men's room and the Husband would have privacy to do his thing. He wore cargo pants and tucked the little specimen cup into the side pocket and I waited in the car until he came out and bagged the "collection" in the paper lunch bag we brought just for the occasion.

I was told that someone would be in the office by 7:30 am, but when I got to the door it was locked. I could see lights on in the reception area so I knocked and Little Bo Peep (did I mention that it was Halloween?) came to the door and whisked the Husband's little swimmers away to be washed and spun. I questioned the fact that they wrote nothing on the label of his specimen cup to mark them as ours, but they assured me that we were the only ones there with sperm for the day and it would be fine.

We had breakfast and walked through Target until it was time for the procedure. When I told the receptionist that I was going to run to the restroom, she told me to hold it and to drink more if I could since a full bladder was better. I wish someone had mentioned this sooner.

Within 15 minutes of my second arrival, I was taken back to a room by a pregnant nun. I was told to strip from the waist down and sit on the funky reclining table with the paper sheet over my naked parts. I usually am left in these freezing cold rooms forever, but I only waited about 5 minutes before Dr. Wonderful (Yay!) came in with her sexy vampire assistant and got down to business.

I put my feet in the stirrups and scooted down to the edge of the table. The actual procedure took about 2 minutes from speculum to done. I felt a slight cramping sensation when she inserted the long, skinny tube thingy, but no actual pain or even discomfort.

The vampire quickly tilted my table back until I almost slid off head first and then adjusted the head part back up until I felt like I was sitting in a big baby carrier. Dr. Wonderful asked if I was cold and then told me that she wanted me to stay like this for 20-30 minutes and then a nurse would come back and let me know when I could get up and get dressed.

I didn't wear a watch and there were no clocks in the room, so I have no idea how long I actually stayed there, but it felt longer than 30 minutes. Longer is better I guess. I had brought a book to read, but opted to just lay there and concentrate on getting pregnant.

Finally the nurse came back and I cleaned up and got dressed. I was very surprised at how much liquid there was. When I told the Husband, he asked if I was worried that everything got to where it needed to be. I told him that Dr. Wonderful had mentioned the wet factor and that I am sure it was normal, but I still worried until I came home and researched it.

When I was cleaning up I noticed a slight hint of pink and when I got home it was a very light shade of dark pink, like old blood. Just the slightest bit and no cramping at this point. I went back to bed since I had to work that night and when I woke up I felt fine. About 9 pm that night, 12 hours after the IUI, I felt a cramping feeling in my right ovary area and back. I am wondering if it was ovulation. I drank some water and the feeling went away. It lasted about 1 hour total time. The next morning I had slight cramping in the same area, but milder and it only lasted for about 15 minutes. I have felt completely normal since then.

Dr. Wonderful said that I can test 2 weeks from the day of the IUI. Anything before that could read false positive I guess. I am trying to be cautiously optimistic, but I have a good feeling about this cycle. We will know soon enough I guess.

Update on the shot

Sorry about leaving anyone hanging, but these last several days have been insane for us because of a huge craft sale a good friend and I were doing. That is over and I am here to fill in all the details on our little adventure.

I am scared of needles. I have gotten better (don't you kind of have to when you are undergoing fertility testing and treatment? It's really inconvenient to panic and faint that often.), but I still am very nervous about them and just try not to think about it too much when I need a shot or blood drawn. That was my plan for this Ovidrel shot and it worked until about 5 hours before the scheduled 9 pm torture.

I read the instructions several times and decided that 8 pm would be plenty of time for the meds to get to room temp. At about 8:50 pm I handed the Husband the instructions and went to the first aid kit to pull out gauze pads and alcohol swabs. By 9 pm on the dot the Husband was on his knees, pinching by belly fat and ready to jab the needle in. This is when the real panic set in. I wasn't sure if I was going to hyperventilate or pass out first. I was holding onto the bathroom counter for support and was afraid to open my eyes for fear of seeing the needle jamming into my stomach in the mirror.

Turns out I didn't feel a thing. He told me the needle was already in and the only time I might have felt a slight sting was for a fraction of a second when he started pushing the plunger. He did the whole professional hold the gauze pad over and remove the needle and I held it there for a few minutes, but when I took it away I couldn't even see where the needle had punctured me or feel where it was either. I did develop a bruise about the size of a quarter in the spot, but it is not sore at all.

Later that night I crawled into bed and started thinking that I really should have read the info that came with the meds to know what side effects to look for (translation: worry about). Good thing I did the shot before reading the side effects. I told the Husband that I was even more resolved that if this cycle doesn't work then we move on to adoption. The thought of OHSS is enough to make me light headed, and the risk for cancer, minute as it might be, is not something I am willing to risk time and time again.

Tomorrow I will give you all the crazy details of the actual IUI procedure. I had a hard time finding really good details from people who have experienced IUI when I did a search, so I want to give a really detailed blow by blow of my experience so maybe it will help someone frantically googling IUI to know what to expect.

Getting ready for our first IUI

Long time no update. Well, after the depressing cancelled cycle a few months ago, I did a month of BC pills. I used to love my BC pills. Until I went on them I always had really irregular cycles, sometimes 6 weeks long, and horrible cramping when my period actually showed up. Once we decided to start trying and I went off the pill I was worried my cycle would revert back to unpredictable, but amazingly it has stayed at a rather consistent 28-29 days with the rare exception.

In my fond recollections of the pill, I forgot the miserable nausea that accompanied that first month of adjusting. I survived it and was rewarded with a much lighter period and cramps so mild I never even needed Tylenol. Too bad I am over 35 and would rather not stroke out or I would be back on the pill so fast (after having a baby of course) that your head would spin.

I did the Femara for cycle days 5-9 and went in yesterday for my day 12 ultrasound. I had mentally prepped myself for failure so when the wonderful tech (no Dr. McBitch thankyouverymuch) pointed out a few good prospects on my right ovary, I was just a little excited. Of course my underachieving left ovary couldn't contribute, but what can you do.

Both Dr's were in surgery so I was told they would review my scan and have a nurse call me either later that day or the next morning with directions for the next steps. I had been gone from the office for about 30 minutes when Dr. McBitch called and told me that I had two great follicles at 17mm and 18mm and also a giant follicle ready to go at any time that measured 25mm. She suggested timed intercourse for that night and then the Husband was cut off until his "donation" on Friday morning at 8 am. Once we drop that off, we can have breakfast and be back at 9 am for the procedure. He gets to jam a needle in my stomach for the Ovidrel tonight at 9 pm.

They forgot to give me a specimen cup so I have to go to the local lab and swindle them out of one per the Dr's instructions. We live close to an hour away from the office so I need to consult with the Husband and see if he would rather chance an old sample by doing his part at home or an arrest for indecent exposure by finding a secluded parking lot closer to the office. The first time he went through this for testing purposes, we also lived far from the lab and were lucky to be the only ones on an empty level of a parking garage. This office has no parking garage so wish us luck.

I guess I will report back on how the injection went if I don't die from the mere thought of him stabbing me with the needle. I just took the package out of the fridge where it has been sitting since the last cancelled cycle and took a look at the needle. It is sealed up in it's little package and I didn't want to break it open yet, but judging by the cap it is not as big as I had imagined it to be. Still, I get a little light headed just thinking about it.

Wish us luck.

Lots of stuff, but nothing good

Well, we found out while on vaca that I am not pregnant. We called the Doctor's office and ordered the injectibles (ovidrel) and took the femara and patiently waited for our 12 day scan for our first insemination cycle.

The scan sucked. Actually, I guess it was actually my ovaries that suck. Lazy, worthless ovaries. The appointment sucked on so many levels it's not even funny.

It started out bad with no parking anywhere near the office. I ended up parking really far away in staff parking for the actual hospital and was a little late for the appointment. Turned out that was fine as I ended up waiting another 45 minutes anyways. The waiting room was so packed that I could barely find a seat. Everyone was pregnant or holding newborns.

When I was finally called back into the exam room I spent another 20 minutes naked from the waist down, covered in a paper sheet and freezing. When the Doctor finally graced me with her presence, it turned out not to be my beloved Dr. Wonderful, as we shall now refer to her, but instead her evil partner, Dr. McBitch.

Now, keep in mind I have never met Dr. McBitch. Never even layed eyes on her, so when her first words to me where "You need to get pregnant. You are making me look bad.", I was torn about how to reply to this. My first instinct was to come back with "Yep, you caught me. I spent the last 10 years pretending to attempt a successful pregnancy, but secretly I have been sabotaging myself just to screw up your friggen stats." In the end I decided to keep my mouth shut since I was aware that this is the same woman who would soon be wielding the ultrasound wand and aiming for my difficult to locate left ovary.

She confirmed that my uterus still exists (the way things go for me, it's always safe to just check) and she went for the left ovary first. There were potentials, but not of any size to write home about. It's cool, I thought, my right ovary is really my favorite anyway. Turns out that my right ovary stabbed me in the back too. Nothing of any value on either side. Apparently, I had a remaining follicle (forgive me if this is wrong, but she threw a lot of stuff at me at one time and I was too busy trying not to cry like a big baby to write it down) on my left ovary that likely prevented my ovaries from doing their one and only job and making me some usable eggs.

Our course of action was/is to finish this cycle and start birth control pills for the next cycle. This should clear up the issues and we will try an insemination cycle again the following month. Today is day 2 of my BCP cycle and my little pre-filled syringe of Ovidrel is ready and waiting in the fridge.

At first I was crushed. The way she phrased things was that we had no hope of insemination working and we would have to step up our game to injectibles to even have a chance. That is not an option for us, as injectibles are the primary cause of high order multiples and we are not really all that interested in having a litter of children. After a bit of clarification, she offered a ray of hope by stating that she really felt confident about this plan working for us, since she was sure that the Femara was working.

I felt better for about 10 seconds before she chided me for tearing up and told me that I had no reason to cry and that lots of women were in far worse situations that me. That is true, but does that mean I can't indulge in a bit of self pity once in a while. That comment stung, but I got past that as soon as the blinding rage kicked in from her next statements. Apparently she has two healthy young boys, but had to use in vitro for her first pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage. I explained that I had also suffered pregnancy loss, but according to the good doctor, mine doesn't count as much as hers since she spent $50,000 on her failed pregnancy. It's times like these that I really wish someone had explained the whole monetary value to grief policy to me. I mean, I felt so silly whining about my own to dead babies when hers was obviously more important because it was expensive.

To my credit, my head did not explode and I did not assault her with the handiest blunt object. I love my real doctor way to much to risk a restraining order. The Husband and I discussed it and I will be very clear in future appointment making sessions to stress that I will only see Dr. Wonderful. And just to be on the safe side, I will leave the handgun at home for all OB/Gyn appointments from now on.

Sorry it's been so long

But there is just not much to post right now. We did another Femara cycle and today is day 19. We leave for vacation this friday and I should know if I am knocked up or not by the time we get back. Yes, I am packing pregnancy tests in my suitcase.

I actually had a really good month with the Femara. No side effects at all.

Of course several days after the drug was totally out of my system I started feeling that achey feeling I have had several times with the Rx. Turned out to be some weird bug. I was fine that morning, started feeling horrible after a few hours at work. Left early with a fever, chills and the feeling that I had been hit by a semi.

I spent the rest of the day sleeping with the exception of a small break to whine until the Husband cooked me chicken and dumplings. It was pretty good chicken and dumplings too, but it would have been better if he didn't have to wake me up every step of the process to ask what to do next.

My fever broke around 3:30 the next morning and I have been fine since.

We are waiting for the rain and winds from the Hurricane/Tropical Storm hitting the area. We don't expect too much from it, but it's best to be prepared.

All in all it has been a pretty boring month and I am looking forward to vacation and coming back here with good news.

Why won't they just return the call?

Okay, so I'm not pregnant and I need to refill my Femara rx. I started my cycle on Friday and was busy so I didn't get a chance to call the Dr's office to ask them to call it in to my pharmacy. Shouldn't be a problem since I don't need to start taking it until Tuesday night.

I call them first thing Monday morning. I leave a very detailed message about who I am and what I need and that I need it soon. They don't call back. So I call again Tuesday morning. I tell the receptionist my issue. I always leave messages and they never call back. She transfers me to another person's voicemail. This one has a message promising a call back by the end of the day. At 4:43 P.M. I place another call stating that I need the meds now and I know they are getting ready to close. After another 10 minutes on hold, I finally get a nurse who promises to call it in. I really could have saved myself a lot of trouble and just called in 5 minutes before they closed.

All I need to do is blog

Apparently, all I need to do is blog to get my next cycle to start. Guess I need to call the Dr's Office today to get a refill on my Femara. I used my last refill last month.

I am trying really hard to not get too worked up or discouraged, but it is getting harder and harder.

The son and girlfriend of a friend of a friend are pregnant. Three months so far. He is 19 and in college, but taking a break to work off some debt . The girl is 18 and works part time at a decent job considering she is young and only a high school graduate. They are living with his mother (the friend of my friend) because the girl's family life if highly unstable (Mom's in jail for a domestic between her and her pregnant daughter) and the friend of my friend ( we will call her Marsha) feels that the only reason the girl (who shall now be known as Suzy) is having the baby is because she thinks it ensures her of a place to live with the boyfriend (not known as Rob)and Marsha.

Marsha sat down with Bob and Suzy and explained to them that this was their decision, but the needed to understand that she would not be supporting their new family and that they needed to figure out how they were going to make this work. Bob seems to really not care what happens, but Suzy is caught up in the baby excitement and convinced it will all work out.

Marsha mentioned adoption to them and they did not shoot the idea down, but they didn't jump at it either. Suzy is taking the lead and all she has on her mind is how cool it will be to dress the baby up and play house. Marsha is convinced that they will see the truth soon enough and maybe meet with the Husband and I to discuss the option of us adopting the baby. We are happy to involve them in the baby's life to a certain extent. Lots of pictures and updates, invitations to birthday parties and maybe a few visits a year.

Who knows if they will decide to consider adoption and if so, if they would even consider us. I can't help but be a little excited thinking about it. We never intended to pursue private adoption. The whole thought is a bit scary and uncertain, but so is life and if something falls into our laps, then who are we to dismiss the possibility.

The baby is due in January. There is still plenty of time for all kinds of things to happen. I will post as we hear more.

Will this cycle never end?!?

Okay, today is day 32 of this cycle. You would consider the fact that I might be pregnant, but not so according to the pregnancy test, carefully taken with first morning urine yesterday. I have the occasional feeling of pre-periodness, but not a spot or real cramp.

I suppose it could be from re-starting the Femara after a 2 cycle break. It could also be the stress from the loss of my much loved cat, Sam. It's been a little over a week since we came home from work to find that he had passed away peacefully in his sleep in his favorite chair. While I am glad that his end was so peaceful and quiet, I am also devastated over his loss and I am sure this could be tweaking my cycle.

I won't panic until Monday. That's the plan at least.

We had previously decided that if this cycle didn't work that the next cycle would be in vitro, but the Husband thinks he deserves on more shot at getting the job done himself. He is sure that he can do it if he just gets one more chance. Honestly, I am a little afraid to jam that needle into my stomach so if he needs another month to move on, then so be it.

The Wii Fit is everything we had hoped it would be. We are both hopelessly addicted to it. The Husband was all "you shouldn't weigh yourself everyday" at first, but now he is as insane as I am about it. We actually let our take out food sit around and get cold the other night so that we could test before we ate. And you don't have to actually see your weight ever if you don't want to (and I really, really don't, but I hit it once by accident). It will tell you your BMI and then will tell you how much you lost or gained in pounds. Sometimes it will only say you lost or gained a little, but if you set goals it will tell you how much weight you need to loose (or gain I suppose if you don't live in this house) and you can track actual weight loss by remembering that number from day to day. We are averaging about .3 lbs lost per day.

The games and training are insanely fun. We have both mastered several of them and new stuff keeps coming available every time we play. I actually went on a run yesterday and it was not complete torture. Trying to stay behind the other Mii kept me focused on not going too fast and I didn't have time to think about how much I hate to jog. The yoga is fun, but I think I really need the yoga mat to fully enjoy it. I do have to say it is super cute watching the Husband to yoga. He is not the type at all, but he tries so hard and he's not bad at it either.

So far I have set a goal of loosing 2.5 lbs in 2 weeks and succeeded and have now set another goal of 4 lbs in 2 weeks and am working on that. I honestly think the Wii Fit is keeping me on track to eating better. Both the Husband and I have caught ourselves rethinking an eating choice because we are afraid of what the Wii will say to us. It's really mean. Also, seeing my little Mii get all chubby was hard to watch.

I will keep you posted on my Wii Fit progress and if I ever start a new cycle. I keep thinking that if I am not pregnant that I am going to loose a ton of weight after this cycle finally starts. Horrible I know, but ya gotta look at the bright side sometimes.

About that time

I am finally back from being out of town for work and the timing is perfect. The femara has been taken and is out of my system and it's time for the fun part.

The femara wasn't so bad this month. A little queasy and achy on day 3, but pretty good other than that.

Not much else to say really. Hopefully I will be back in a few weeks with good news. I'm trying not to obsess too much and get myself all stressed. I plan on staying hydrated and eating healthy and hoping for the best.

This is our last timed intercourse cycle. We have decided that if it doesn't happen this month we are moving on to insemination. The cycle is much less costly than we expected and my fear of jamming a needle into my abdomen is overwhelmed by my desire to have a child, so there. We will do what we need to do.

More updates as they come.

Right on time

Good news and bad news. Bad is that I am definitely not pregnant this month. Good is that my cycle is back on track and we are set to start another Femara round this month.

The cramps are horrible this month. So bad that I had to leave work early and spent the day sleeping on the couch, waking only to whine for the Husband to heat my rice bag in the microwave.

Not much else to say right now. I will keep you all filled in on all the exciting Femara side effects.

Whoo-Hoo!!

Another good Pap. We are now back on the trying horse, or at least we will be when I start my next cycle. It feels like it could be any day now.

I was starting to think I might be pregnant this month. My breasts have been very sore. At first I chalked it up to the particularly rough breast exam from the evil substitute GYN, but she didn't leave actual bruises, so that can't be it. I have also been having headaches (not something I have problems with very often) in the evenings, and last night I was nauseous. I had some spotting (very light and brown as in old blood) the other day, but nothing since. I could be but I kind of doubt it because I have been having that "it's coming any minute" feeling on and off all day. We shall see. I'm just glad it's not another 20 day cycle.

The Husband and I have decided to do another Femara cycle and then move onto insemination if we don't get lucky this time. Not much to post until then.

In Limbo

Haven't posted much lately because there is not much to post. I woke up the day of my scheduled Pap to my period. On cycle day 20 no less. After a minor freak out with the Husband on the phone, I called my OB/GYN and spoke with a nurse who reassured me that the early arrival was probably due to the hormone fluctuations of the previous Femara cycles. I rescheduled with the back up GYN and that appointment was last Tuesday.

It was pretty uneventful. Everything is normal so far and the Pap results should be in soon. Assuming my cycle is somewhat normal this month, I should have the results in time to start Femara next cycle.

I have decided that the backup GYN is evil and I will not be using her again. If I can't get in with my regular, then I will just need to find another backup. Of course, now that I know there will be a 4 month waiting period for routine appointments not relating to expensive procedures not covered by insurance, I can just schedule the annual well in advance and hope that should it be an actual problem, she could fit me in sometime in the current calender year.

More updates as they come.

Time Out

As I mentioned before, this month is a time out. I need my annual exam and due to my past history, I would rather wait for the all clear on my Pap before the next round of trying.

I finally got around to calling the Dr. to schedule the exam. Guess when her next available annual exam appointment is. October 1st. Four freakin months away. Are you kidding me. I can get an appointment with her next day for any fertility stuff, but for routine maintenance I need a four month lead time. How does that make sense?

They did ask if I wanted to go on the wait list. Then they informed me that the waiting list was very long. That totally makes it better.

I ended up pulling out the old insurance card and finding a Gyn about 2 miles down the road who was able to get me in within the week. They told me that it was a 5-8 day wait for pap results, so I should be a go for next cycle if all goes well.

I know the odds are good that it will be fine, but I can't help but indulge myself in a little worry. Not so much about the procedure to deal with it. The LEEP was a piece of cake considering my nightmare fantasies that I played in my mind. The fear is more of delaying again and also of further damage to my cervix. I got off pretty lucky last time with minimal damage. I don't want a new set of issues to deal with.

I also just want it to go away forever. The potential will always loom over me. I know that the odds are good that it will never be a problem again, but it is always there, in the back of my mind.

I have a plan though. And the plan is good because it will benefit me on so many levels. I am going healthy. Only water and the occasional tea. Eating better. More veggies and less junk. And more exercise. The stronger my body, the better chance of it keeping the HPV squashed down. And I will look and feel better. These are things I should already be doing, but let's face it, I'm lazy. I'm lazy but not stupid and I don't need another scare to make me do the things I should be doing. The change starts now. Wish me luck.

I'm Not

Not pregnant that is. I once again started on day 29. I didn't bother testing this month because I was fairly sure it was not going to be positive. I had that pre-period feeling for over a week before I started.

I have made a decision to take a month off of the meds and get my annual Pap done. My last was in June of last year and with my history I would rather not wait. It takes a few weeks to get the results back, so I will hopefully have a clear Pap result and be ready to start the next cycle with renewed hope and a clean bill of health.

I will also be talking to my OB/GYN about the insemination process at that appointment. I am willing to try a few rounds of Insemination mixed with few more rounds of timed intercourse and then if no luck we will start the adoption process.

I have been doing a lot of reading about adoptions in our State and after discussion, the best option appears to be through an agency. Barring the unlikely event that a pregnant woman approaches me on the street and offers me her healthy newborn, this is the best choice for us.

The foster system, while much cheaper and admirable, is just too risky. I personally can't take the pain of becoming attached to a child only to have to return it back to the parent(s) who most likely don't deserve it. I know that is a judgemental opinion, but I have seen things in my line of work (law enforcement) that have jaded me to that particular system. I disagree with the notion that the biological parents have any rights to their child once they abuse or neglect them. Sure, they could turn out to be the best parents in the world, but what if they don't? Who's rights are more important? The adult who can't or won't get their lives together and take care of the children they create, or the children who didn't ask to be born into horrible circumstances?

Rant over. Back to adoption. As most people know, you don't just write a check and get a healthy newborn handed over right away. There are background checks to be done and home visits to pass. Not to mention the mountains of paperwork. And once you complete that, you are at the mercy of the Birth Mothers to choose you to be the family for their child. The wait is often long and with the requirements that the Husband and I have, we know that we will probably have one of the longer waits. We want a newborn that is healthy and Caucasian. We know that may sound picky and selfish, but we feel that we need to be very upfront with everyone, ourselves included, about what we expect.

Newborn because we want to bond with our child from the first possible moment. We want to be a part of every moment of their lives. We also want to avoid any emotional issues caused by abusive or neglectful parents, or attachment issues seen in children in group homes in many foreign adoptions. We realize that we cannot be guaranteed a perfect child, but we will do what we have to do to increase our odds.

By healthy we mean both physically and mentally, as much as can be guaranteed. We will only consider birth mothers who have proven that they have not put the child at risk by using drugs or alcohol while pregnant. We are not talking about a couple of beers or joints before they realized they were pregnant, but someone who continues to risk the child by doing so after they are aware of the circumstances.

Caucasian because we are, and while we intend to be open with our child from day one, we don't feel that we should be subjected to explaining the details of our child's birth to every stranger at the store who notices that we don't match perfectly. This should not be a problem, but it is. We chose not to subject ourselves or our child to that.

These are some of our thoughts on adoption. They may prove to be unpopular and I may just get my first comments from someone who is not Future Mommy, but these are our reasons and we stand by them.

Still here, still not pregnant..or am I?

I didn't realize how long it has been since I have posted. I made it to day 34 before I started. I stopped testing after the last post because I had that pre-period feeling. Why waste tests when you just know.

My OB upped the dosage of Femara to double the original and I braced myself for double the side effects. I still had the day of misery with achy muscles and nausea, but the rest of the month went much smoother. Occasional nausea that only lasted a few minutes, but I felt great otherwise. I tested on day 27 with negative results and started on day 29. I was hopeful, but not too much. I really feel that I O'd on time (my perfect 28 day cycle backs up my feeling on that subject), but it was not meant to be.

I called the Dr's office and decided to do another cycle with timed intercourse. I also got some good news. When we were going to the RE in Georgia, we were told that a cycle of insemination would run about $500. A friend of my Mother recently told her that the going rate was closer to $1,500. Wow! That's a big difference. That new figure was the basis for our decision to continue to try on our own for a few more months. While on the line with the nurse, I found out that the actual cost of insemination through my OB is only around $250. We will have to pay for the Ultrasounds since they are coded for infertility treatment and my insurance will have nothing to do with that service code, but that is much better than the $1,500 we were told to expect. I really need to learn to not trust people. I would probably be doing an insemination cycle this month if I had the correct info. We will do one next month if necessary, but hopefully we won't need to .

I am currently on day 18. No symptoms, but I had none this early for the other pregnancies either.

We have come to the conclusion that need be, we would be willing to try a cycle or two of insemination and if that failed, we would go with adoption (more on that in another post). For the cost of one round of IVF we could guarantee a healthy newborn through adoption, even if the wait is longer than we would like.

Still waiting

Today is day 28. I still have not started. I am pretty sure I am not pregnant, but there is still a little tiny ray of hope.

On Thursday I was told by my lovely co-workers/friends, Mary and Tiffany, that I was glowing. They are convinced I am pregnant. I was probably just sweaty from hauling heavy boxes of candles in the pathetic excuse for winter we have had in Orlando this year.

I told them that it was still way too early to know. I am sure I could take a pricey EPT and get a fairly accurate answer, but I am more of a Dollar Tree test kind of gal.

I don't have my hopes up too high, so I haven't been thinking about it too much. Only like 539 times an hour.

They managed to convince me to test on Saturday at work if no period by then. What the heck. Sure, it will only be day 27 and I probably only ovulated about a week ago, but it's only a dollar and it shuts them up.

Problem was that I told Kim (another co-worker/friend) about the plan on Friday at work and she came back from her break with 2 tests from Dollar Tree.

I grabbed a plastic cup and my cell phone to time the test and locked myself in the bathroom. Three long minutes later I got negative results. I wasn't upset. I had expected it. Even if I was pregnant, it was still only day 26 and it probably wouldn't show up. No big deal.

When I checked my voice mail on the way home there was a message from my Doctor telling me that my progesterone was wonderful on the day 22 test. She went over the plan we had discussed before, but she mentioned trying insemination next month. I was under the impression we were going to try a double dose of Femara and timed intercourse for a few more months. I need to call her tomorrow to clarify the plan. Good news is the Femara seemed to do the job, just not as well as we had hoped. The higher dosage should correct that.

Saturday morning I had some light, pre-period type cramps. They only lasted for a few minutes and no more the rest of the day or today. Today is day 28 and not a spot in sight. In fact, the only spotting I had this month was a tiny little pink bit on day 23 and another bit of dark red, older blood in the mucus on day 24. Implantation spotting maybe? I had that with my first pregnancy.

Today I told the Husband that I would take the other test before I go to work on Monday evening if no period by then. Then I got myself all curious while talking to my Mom this evening and took the other test as soon as I hung up. Negative again.

I was not upset or shocked. I am trying the whole "no stress" approach. Besides, it is only the first month and I really didn't expect to get that lucky.

Of course the Husband managed to get my hopes up again by mentioning that I probably ovulated later than day 14 and it might still be too early to test. I figure I can hold out another 2 days with no period before I am going to need to pee on something.

Updates as they come.

Ultrasound Update

I had an ultrasound done on Friday (day 12) to see how well my ovaries responded to the Femara. Not so great actually.

I had follicles, just not as many as we hoped for and most were underachievers. I did have 1 decent size follicle on each ovary.

There is hope. My Dr. said she would not tell me it couldn't happen since she just had a patient in the exact same situation who she told it was not going to happen and it did. We are doing timed intercourse for the next week or so. I go in on cycle day 21 to have some more blood work. They are checking the progesterone to see how well I ovulated. I should know more then.

If it doesn't work this month then we will double to the dosage of Femara for next month and try again. If this doesn't work then we might need to look into insemination with a trigger shot. If that doesn't work after 3 tries then she will want to do a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. I really don't think it will get that far. I ovulate on my own and have gotten pregnant twice before. I can do that part with relative ease. I just really need help staying pregnant once I get that way.

More updates as they come.

Fun with Femara

Last night was my last dose of Femara for this cycle. I took the 2.5 mg pill each night at bedtime for 5 nights (cycle days 5-9) starting on Friday.

The reason the Dr. decided to go with Femara rather than the previously discussed Clomid is that Femara has less side effects and is out of your system within 48 hours. Clomid can hang around for weeks. That was a positive, but I was a bit freaked out to learn that Femara is actually used to treat breast cancer in post-menopausal women. The little informational sheet from the pharmacy warned about taking this drug if you are pregnant or intend to become pregnant. I had done my research earlier in the day, but the Husband did not read anything until Saturday morning. I got an early morning wake up from him wanting to be sure I had been given the correct drug.

As far as side effects, I have to admit it was not too bad. Possibly because I was expecting to be hit with it all. Early Saturday morning, about an hour after I took the pill, I woke up and thought I felt dizzy. I went back to sleep and when I woke up a few hours later I no longer felt dizzy, but I did feel a little nauseous. The nausea was probably real, but I think I might have imagined the dizzy part.

Saturday and Sunday felt normal. I do believe that I did get the loss of appetite bit, but not too severely and frankly, I kind of liked that part.

Monday I woke up about 3 am with a stomach ache. It was gone before I got up for the day, but I was fairly nauseous all day and very achy.

Tuesday was normal and now it is Wednesday, the day after my last dose.

I am scheduled for a scan on Friday morning. I am hoping the results are good, because I really don't feel any different. I have not felt anything going on in the pelvic area. I have read several stories of women who were doubled over in pain because their ovaries had produced so many follicles. I don't feel any different than normal. Maybe my ovaries are just naturally tough. I am fairly sure I have a very low tolerance for pain, so that can't be it, but maybe those women were just imagining the pain.

Well, I will know soon enough if it worked for me. More updates as they come.

Lots of news, some of it is even good

I got the results of my blood work back and everything is normal. They did put me back on Metformin once a day, to be upgraded to twice a day if I do well with it. My progesterone levels were low, but that is normal at cycle day 3.

Good news that I am mostly normal, but bad that we still have no explanation for the mid cycle breakthrough bleeding. I still think that my mid cycle progesterone levels are low, but that's just a theory and is not really a problem since the Clomid will resolve that problem anyway.

I expressed my concern about the bleeding to the nurse who called with my results. She said she would speak with the Doctor and call me back. She called the next day to say that the Doctor was not at all concerned that the bleeding was related to my past cervical issues. She did order an ultrasound of my uterus and ovaries to check my lining thickness and make sure everything was normal. This set us back another month, but I just need to be sure that everything is good to go before we proceed.

I had the ultrasound Monday afternoon. I had to drink 36 oz of water an hour prior to my appointment. I have done this before, when about 5 weeks pregnant, and remember forcing the Husband to stop at every Gas Station we passed so I could pee. I was really hoping that it was the pregnancy hormones that made me so miserable last time and that it would be less traumatic this time. Wrong. Very, very wrong.

I have never been to this office from my house. Based on a friend's estimate, I planned on a 20-30 minute drive. I had to be there at 3:30 to register for my 4:00 appointment. I left my house at 2:50. I started drinking right at 3:00 and finished by 3:30. At this point I was still no where near the office. Apparently my friend was the only car on the road when she timed this trip. To make matters worse, once I got there I had no idea exactly where I was going. This would normally not be a problem, but by this time I was screaming at other motorists and cursing the Florida Dept of Transportation for the poor road conditions that caused bladder torturing jarring.

I made a command decision to go into the Women's center (attached to the main hospital and the home of my OB/GYN office) to find a bathroom and pee (just a little, I swear) and get directions to the radiology department. In my agony, I rushed right past the restroom, and busted into the Mammogram area. I was practically dancing as I asked for directions to the nearest restroom and radiology. First she slowly typed in my name and told me that I needed to go next door. Then she questioned if I was allowed to use the restroom. I informed her that it was not negotiable and she pointed to the restroom that I had run past in my hurry to get directions.

After a quick tinkle, I headed over to the main building and was given directions to the registration desk. I quickly signed in with the volunteer and then told her I was going to be in the restroom across the lobby for a minute if they were looking for me. I spent the next three minutes trying to justify skipping this test. I am usually good at justification, but I knew I needed to get it over with. I swear I just peed a tiny little bit. It didn't even help. As soon as I sat down in the waiting area, they called me over to register. I wanted to scream as I answered the same questions I had already answered on the phone when I made the appointment.

After a 5 minute inquisition, I was pointed over to the radiology desk. I stood there for about 20 seconds listening to several employees talking in a room right beside the desk. I finally got someone's attention and they were kind enough to call back and see how long my wait would be. The tech came and got me in under 2 minutes. I had debated having another tiny pee, but wasn't sure I could make it all the way to the restroom without wetting myself. I just stood there praying the room was close by. It was.

The tech assured me that she would only need about 5 minutes. I had to drop my pants and panties to my knees and she did her thing. I had a good view of the screen and while I am no expert, I did not see anything obviously out of place and she didn't circle anything. I was allowed to pee and then strip from the waist down for the fun part. She was a bit brutal with the wand, but it's really not her fault. My left ovary is in a funky place and it takes a bit of work to get a good view of it. She would not give me a hint about anything. I spent the second part of the ultrasound studying her face and looking for clues since the screen was no longer in my field of vision. She should really play poker. I got nothing. I could have had a third ovary and she would not have flinched.

I finally got the results Friday. It all came back normal with the exception of a small cyst on my right ovary. This explains the occasional twinges I get. From the brief conversation I had with the nurse, this is not a bad thing and can even help sustain a pregnancy. I need to research that more to fully understand why, but it sounds like a positive thing.

So, we are on for a clomid cycle. I have to call on cycle day 1 and they will call in my prescription and give me the instructions. I will start having ultrasounds on cycle day 12 until they tell me to shoot up with the ovidrel.

More as it happens.