Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Mission Accomplished

Whoo Hoo! I am officially back on the day shift. I have worked night shifts on a rotating basis for 7 years now, but after almost a year on days this night stuff has kicked my butt. I think it is because since I knew it was temporary and not my permanent lifestyle I was pretty good about keeping my schedule on my days off. This meant that I was not miserably tired at work, but it also meant almost no socialization with anyone outside of work because while I am all wound up and awake at 3 am, not many other people are. When I was on nights before it was too tempting to screw up my sleep schedule in an effort to actually be out in the daylight hours. Now I have no excuse not to get that blood work done to check my iron levels. No excuse except that the nurse who has to order the blood work refuses to return my calls. This is the last hurdle in the way of actively trying to get pregnant.

Yesterday and today are my days off and I knew that I had to get that blood work situation straightened out or I would not have another chance until next Monday. Yesterday the Husband asked me to call our Dr's office and schedule an appointment for him to have his tummy looked at. For the last 5 or 6 years he has suffered from occasional bouts of what has been diagnosed, after much testing, as Diverticulitis. He has it mostly under control but has recently had another flare up and just wants to discuss medications with our new Dr. When I called to make his appointment, I mentioned to the receptionist that I had been trying for about 3 weeks to get the lab paperwork needed to have my iron levels checked again. She assured me should would personally deliver the message and someone would call me back. No one did. Surprise. So today I decided that while I was our running errands, I would just drop by to pick up the paperwork the Husband needed to fill out and stand in front of the desk until someone decided to give me my lab papers. I was all pumped up for a confrontation, but instead I was walking back to my car with the forms in hand within 2 minutes of walking in the door.

I headed straight over to the lab and spent 30 minutes in an empty waiting room because despite the fact that I signed in, I was so quiet they forgot I was there. I will have to remember to turn the magazine pages louder next time.

Lucky for me my favorite Lab Tech was on duty. This woman is amazing with a needle. I point out my best arm and she gets it on the first stick every time and I barely feel a thing. This woman has skills.

She is also about 8 months pregnant and due in the beginning of November. She has the cutest baby bump and was so excited when she told me it was her first and is going to be a girl. And I was truly happy for her. It hit me in the car, I was really happy for her. There was no jealousy or self pity, just joy that she is about to have a baby that she obviously really wants. Maybe this is a sign.

I should have the lab results back in a few days. No doubt I will have to use my lunch break to go to the Dr's office to get my results. I really hope my iron levels are in normal range. Especially since we kind of tried this month. I know we should have waited, but it just kind of happened. I am pretty sure the timing was much too late, but I didn't chart this month (just needed a break) so I can't say for sure.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Feeling Sorry For Myself. What a way to start a blog

So I am just sitting here feeling sorry for myself and then feeling guilty because so many of you are still dealing with the newness of your loss, but I am just so tired of this whole process.
I lost my first 8 years ago now. We have been trying or at least trying to try ever since.
It took 18 months to get pregnant again and I lost that one too. My wonderful OB/GYN referred me to a RE who ran every test in the book and found no definite answer. A couple of maybes, but no cure.
Then he tweaked my thyroid and sent me into hyperthyroidism and I spent months dealing with that. I remember talking to the Dr. that did my radioiodine therapy right before they dosed me and being upset that he said I would need to wait 3 months before trying again to make sure the radiation was out of my system before the baby started to develop a thyroid. How naive I was to think that I had overcome the obstacle and would get to jump right back into the TTC world.
Next came a solid year of trying to get my now underactive thyroid to a normal level and keeping it there for more than a month.
Then it was back to the RE for more "lets wait and monitor your cycle some more". For what. Till my eggs shrivel from age and turn to dust and you can provide a definite reason.
Gave up on the RE and decided with the help of my OB/GYN to go about it on our own, but then came a job switch and we just need to wait a few months to get settled in before springing a pregnancy on them (Ha!).
Then came the abnormal pap. Than another followed by a leep procedure. Then a move to another state and another new job and waiting for a clear pap. Got the clear pap but now I am friggin Anemic. Will it never friggin end?
Here we stand at 2 good Paps in a year and I can't get the damn Dr's office to call me back so I can go to the lab and have my iron checked again. I will be going down to their office tomorrow to stand and stare at them through the glass window till the give me the paper.
The real kicker though is today was open enrollment for Insurance at work. They have totally switched everything and we are now offered AFLAC. I was sitting with the Rep trying to figure out the best plans for us when it dawned on me that I have done this same thing every year since 1999. Every year I agonize over getting the perfect supplemental insurance plan for when I get pregnant and every year it goes to waste, never touched for a pregnancy.
Of course I told the Rep that we were trying to get Preg and told her that I have had previous problems and she was so friggin sweet and kept saying things to make me feel better and hopeful and it did make me feel better (long story about her Pastors wife who also suffered 2 losses and now has 2 beautiful daughters) but it also made me cry. Nothing better than sitting in the conference room at City Hall with your coworkers trying to figure out a dental plan and bawling (I was quite, but if anyone looked they were gonna notice).
Thanks to anyone who made it through this novel and I hope that I was able to help with your insomnia.