Monday, May 19, 2008

I'm Not

Not pregnant that is. I once again started on day 29. I didn't bother testing this month because I was fairly sure it was not going to be positive. I had that pre-period feeling for over a week before I started.

I have made a decision to take a month off of the meds and get my annual Pap done. My last was in June of last year and with my history I would rather not wait. It takes a few weeks to get the results back, so I will hopefully have a clear Pap result and be ready to start the next cycle with renewed hope and a clean bill of health.

I will also be talking to my OB/GYN about the insemination process at that appointment. I am willing to try a few rounds of Insemination mixed with few more rounds of timed intercourse and then if no luck we will start the adoption process.

I have been doing a lot of reading about adoptions in our State and after discussion, the best option appears to be through an agency. Barring the unlikely event that a pregnant woman approaches me on the street and offers me her healthy newborn, this is the best choice for us.

The foster system, while much cheaper and admirable, is just too risky. I personally can't take the pain of becoming attached to a child only to have to return it back to the parent(s) who most likely don't deserve it. I know that is a judgemental opinion, but I have seen things in my line of work (law enforcement) that have jaded me to that particular system. I disagree with the notion that the biological parents have any rights to their child once they abuse or neglect them. Sure, they could turn out to be the best parents in the world, but what if they don't? Who's rights are more important? The adult who can't or won't get their lives together and take care of the children they create, or the children who didn't ask to be born into horrible circumstances?

Rant over. Back to adoption. As most people know, you don't just write a check and get a healthy newborn handed over right away. There are background checks to be done and home visits to pass. Not to mention the mountains of paperwork. And once you complete that, you are at the mercy of the Birth Mothers to choose you to be the family for their child. The wait is often long and with the requirements that the Husband and I have, we know that we will probably have one of the longer waits. We want a newborn that is healthy and Caucasian. We know that may sound picky and selfish, but we feel that we need to be very upfront with everyone, ourselves included, about what we expect.

Newborn because we want to bond with our child from the first possible moment. We want to be a part of every moment of their lives. We also want to avoid any emotional issues caused by abusive or neglectful parents, or attachment issues seen in children in group homes in many foreign adoptions. We realize that we cannot be guaranteed a perfect child, but we will do what we have to do to increase our odds.

By healthy we mean both physically and mentally, as much as can be guaranteed. We will only consider birth mothers who have proven that they have not put the child at risk by using drugs or alcohol while pregnant. We are not talking about a couple of beers or joints before they realized they were pregnant, but someone who continues to risk the child by doing so after they are aware of the circumstances.

Caucasian because we are, and while we intend to be open with our child from day one, we don't feel that we should be subjected to explaining the details of our child's birth to every stranger at the store who notices that we don't match perfectly. This should not be a problem, but it is. We chose not to subject ourselves or our child to that.

These are some of our thoughts on adoption. They may prove to be unpopular and I may just get my first comments from someone who is not Future Mommy, but these are our reasons and we stand by them.

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