Friday, January 23, 2009

10 Honest Things


Danielle from Life induces thoughts, mostly random tagged me for a meme. I'm not sure if I should thank her or track her down and torture her.

I am supposed to list 10 honest things about myself. I saw her comment alerting me to the fact several days ago, but this is the first real chance I have had to sit down and type out. I have been thinking about it though, and here is what I have come up with....

1. I am scared to be a parent. I am a 35 year old woman who has been trying to have a baby for over 9 years now and I am still scared. Not really scared of the day to day care like diapering and feeding and stuff, but more the financial aspects of it. I don't want to raise a spoiled child, but I do want to raise a child who has everything they need and a lot of what they want. I was raised in a household with both parents and while we never went hungry, I didn't have the cool cloths or toys. It was hard for me. I went to school in a very affluent area and people were very concerned about what you wore and where you lived and what your parents drove. The Husband was raised by his mother and stepfather as one of five kids living at home. They were not well off and probably would have qualified for some kind of financial assistance if his mother had not been to proud to ask. He shares my fear. That is one of the reasons we waited so long to start trying. He wanted to be financially stable and to have a house for our child to grow up in. We are in that position and have been for over 10 years now, but this adoption is going to put a big dent in our nest egg. Our security for our future. His and mine and our child's.

2. Sometimes I compare my new cat (James - 10 months old) with my previous cat (Sam - 14 years old when he died last July) and it's not favorable for James. I have to remind myself that he and Sam are very different and that he is still a baby and will mature and that it's okay that he is not just like Sam, because he an amazing and sweet personality all his own.

3. I like Sci-Fi. I was so sad when I watched the last Stargate Atlantis that I actually put off watching it for 3 days. I would have put it off longer, but I was worried it would somehow get erased from the DVR. I am a geek and proud of it, but damn, have you seen Ronon?

4. I have crafting ADD. I get so obsessed with a project and will get like 90% done and then walk away. I have no idea why. I enjoy the feeling of completing a project, but so often I don't or it takes years to finally get around to finishing it. It's sad really. I made dealing with that a goal for 2009. Of course it was also a goal for 2007 and 2008.

5. My partner at work has forced me to watch reality tv and now I find myself actually sucked into it and curious about what happens. And not mainstream reality tv that you can feel good about either. The really crappy stuff like "Real Chance at Love", "Rock of Love" and "Tool Academy". I'm ashamed.

6. I put off losing weight because I figured I was just going to get pregnant and get fat and why go to all that trouble until after the baby was born. I rationalized it with things like,"Oh, well I always eat really healthy when I'm pregnant" and "I'm going to nurse so that will help me drop the weight". Now, with our decision to adopt, I am forced to get off my butt and actually do something to lose the weight.

7. My Wii hurts my feelings. It's really mean. I know that little "Oh" comment happens to everyone, even my skinny little niece, but it still hurts. And I was really offended when we set up the Wii Fit and it made my little Mii get bigger.

8. I am pissed that our adoption is going to cost so much. I am pissed that out of about $28,000 that we will pay, only about $6,000 will go to the birth mother. I am pissed that she is even getting that much. I don't mind paying for meds related to the pregnancy, or even ones she needs to stay healthy during the pregnancy. I don't mind paying medical bills not covered under insurance or medicaid. I don't mind paying for maternity clothing within reasonable amounts. I don't even mind paying rent if she is truly homeless, but not just because she wants to get her own apartment at our expense. I really don't mind paying for healthy food to ensure the baby gets the nutrition it needs. But I don't think we should be paying her cell phone bill and utilities and car payment. Crap like this being available to them is what causes expectant mothers to scam. A free ride for the entire pregnancy in the state of Florida. Our agency only allows expenses after 20 weeks, but still. Of course, there are circumstances where I would change my opinion, but in most cases she can get a job. Pregnancy is not incapacitating in most cases. It's not an excuse to live off of others. I am pissed that this will be our only child because of how much it is going to cost. It would take years to be able to afford another adoption and we don't want to be that old and have a newborn.

9. I really want The Husband to dye his hair. He is getting a touch of grey around the temples and I don't want people to ask us if we are the grandparents when we go somewhere with the baby. He doesn't look old at all, but that grey bothers me. I mentioned it once and he was very adamant about not dying his hair. I guess I will just deal with it.

10. I am so inexperienced and ignorant about blogging that I have not really ventured out too much into the blogging world and I don't even have 7 people to tag for this meme. I read a lot of blogs, both about infertility/adoption/parenting and about crafts, but I don't comment a lot and I doubt any of them even know I exist. It's another goal for 2009. To reach out to others and make blogging friends and to get my blog out in the open more.

So that being said, I tag Karen from Clio. I know that she is out of town right now and dealing with a sore wrist and a non-napping baby, but if she wants to and finds the time, the offer is on the table.

4 comments:

Melba said...

This was an interesting read! I got your comment on my blog earlier and it sounds like you and I have similar feelings/anxiety about the whole breastfeeding thing. It also sounds like we are somewhat similar in terms of how long we have been trying to become moms and all that jazz. I'd love to talk to you more...feel free to email me at melbatoastloveatgmail.com :)

Melba

Karen said...

Thanks for the tag :) I've been musing for awhile now about what "honest things" means...since I try to be honest on my blog anyhow, do they need to be secrets? negative or embarassing things? I'm going to try to work on this now. :)

Karen said...

Whoops, forgot to comment on your post...very interesting list. I would be upset about the birth mother costs, too. I think it's interesting how different state laws are and I would be fascinated to know how and why they ended up as they are. And I hear you about comparing the cats. I do that with our dogs all the time and we kinda consider Apollo "J's dog" and Phoebe "my dog." We both love both of them, but we have favorites. It make me feel guilty, but I know I won't be like that with kids when we have more than one. :)

Beautiful Mess said...

ACK! I just read this, SORRY! Great answers, thank you for doing it. I'm not in a position to adopt, but I hear ya on the cost. I think it is CRAZY! If ya track me down, you can TRY to torture me, but you shoUld know that I can run FAST..ok not really, but I like to think I'm a badass. In reality, I'd probably bake a batch of brownies and we'd eat them with wine and laugh and talk and drive my husband crazy! It's the one thing I do well!
HUGS!