As I mentioned before, this month is a time out. I need my annual exam and due to my past history, I would rather wait for the all clear on my Pap before the next round of trying.
I finally got around to calling the Dr. to schedule the exam. Guess when her next available annual exam appointment is. October 1st. Four freakin months away. Are you kidding me. I can get an appointment with her next day for any fertility stuff, but for routine maintenance I need a four month lead time. How does that make sense?
They did ask if I wanted to go on the wait list. Then they informed me that the waiting list was very long. That totally makes it better.
I ended up pulling out the old insurance card and finding a Gyn about 2 miles down the road who was able to get me in within the week. They told me that it was a 5-8 day wait for pap results, so I should be a go for next cycle if all goes well.
I know the odds are good that it will be fine, but I can't help but indulge myself in a little worry. Not so much about the procedure to deal with it. The LEEP was a piece of cake considering my nightmare fantasies that I played in my mind. The fear is more of delaying again and also of further damage to my cervix. I got off pretty lucky last time with minimal damage. I don't want a new set of issues to deal with.
I also just want it to go away forever. The potential will always loom over me. I know that the odds are good that it will never be a problem again, but it is always there, in the back of my mind.
I have a plan though. And the plan is good because it will benefit me on so many levels. I am going healthy. Only water and the occasional tea. Eating better. More veggies and less junk. And more exercise. The stronger my body, the better chance of it keeping the HPV squashed down. And I will look and feel better. These are things I should already be doing, but let's face it, I'm lazy. I'm lazy but not stupid and I don't need another scare to make me do the things I should be doing. The change starts now. Wish me luck.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
I'm Not
Not pregnant that is. I once again started on day 29. I didn't bother testing this month because I was fairly sure it was not going to be positive. I had that pre-period feeling for over a week before I started.
I have made a decision to take a month off of the meds and get my annual Pap done. My last was in June of last year and with my history I would rather not wait. It takes a few weeks to get the results back, so I will hopefully have a clear Pap result and be ready to start the next cycle with renewed hope and a clean bill of health.
I will also be talking to my OB/GYN about the insemination process at that appointment. I am willing to try a few rounds of Insemination mixed with few more rounds of timed intercourse and then if no luck we will start the adoption process.
I have been doing a lot of reading about adoptions in our State and after discussion, the best option appears to be through an agency. Barring the unlikely event that a pregnant woman approaches me on the street and offers me her healthy newborn, this is the best choice for us.
The foster system, while much cheaper and admirable, is just too risky. I personally can't take the pain of becoming attached to a child only to have to return it back to the parent(s) who most likely don't deserve it. I know that is a judgemental opinion, but I have seen things in my line of work (law enforcement) that have jaded me to that particular system. I disagree with the notion that the biological parents have any rights to their child once they abuse or neglect them. Sure, they could turn out to be the best parents in the world, but what if they don't? Who's rights are more important? The adult who can't or won't get their lives together and take care of the children they create, or the children who didn't ask to be born into horrible circumstances?
Rant over. Back to adoption. As most people know, you don't just write a check and get a healthy newborn handed over right away. There are background checks to be done and home visits to pass. Not to mention the mountains of paperwork. And once you complete that, you are at the mercy of the Birth Mothers to choose you to be the family for their child. The wait is often long and with the requirements that the Husband and I have, we know that we will probably have one of the longer waits. We want a newborn that is healthy and Caucasian. We know that may sound picky and selfish, but we feel that we need to be very upfront with everyone, ourselves included, about what we expect.
Newborn because we want to bond with our child from the first possible moment. We want to be a part of every moment of their lives. We also want to avoid any emotional issues caused by abusive or neglectful parents, or attachment issues seen in children in group homes in many foreign adoptions. We realize that we cannot be guaranteed a perfect child, but we will do what we have to do to increase our odds.
By healthy we mean both physically and mentally, as much as can be guaranteed. We will only consider birth mothers who have proven that they have not put the child at risk by using drugs or alcohol while pregnant. We are not talking about a couple of beers or joints before they realized they were pregnant, but someone who continues to risk the child by doing so after they are aware of the circumstances.
Caucasian because we are, and while we intend to be open with our child from day one, we don't feel that we should be subjected to explaining the details of our child's birth to every stranger at the store who notices that we don't match perfectly. This should not be a problem, but it is. We chose not to subject ourselves or our child to that.
These are some of our thoughts on adoption. They may prove to be unpopular and I may just get my first comments from someone who is not Future Mommy, but these are our reasons and we stand by them.
I have made a decision to take a month off of the meds and get my annual Pap done. My last was in June of last year and with my history I would rather not wait. It takes a few weeks to get the results back, so I will hopefully have a clear Pap result and be ready to start the next cycle with renewed hope and a clean bill of health.
I will also be talking to my OB/GYN about the insemination process at that appointment. I am willing to try a few rounds of Insemination mixed with few more rounds of timed intercourse and then if no luck we will start the adoption process.
I have been doing a lot of reading about adoptions in our State and after discussion, the best option appears to be through an agency. Barring the unlikely event that a pregnant woman approaches me on the street and offers me her healthy newborn, this is the best choice for us.
The foster system, while much cheaper and admirable, is just too risky. I personally can't take the pain of becoming attached to a child only to have to return it back to the parent(s) who most likely don't deserve it. I know that is a judgemental opinion, but I have seen things in my line of work (law enforcement) that have jaded me to that particular system. I disagree with the notion that the biological parents have any rights to their child once they abuse or neglect them. Sure, they could turn out to be the best parents in the world, but what if they don't? Who's rights are more important? The adult who can't or won't get their lives together and take care of the children they create, or the children who didn't ask to be born into horrible circumstances?
Rant over. Back to adoption. As most people know, you don't just write a check and get a healthy newborn handed over right away. There are background checks to be done and home visits to pass. Not to mention the mountains of paperwork. And once you complete that, you are at the mercy of the Birth Mothers to choose you to be the family for their child. The wait is often long and with the requirements that the Husband and I have, we know that we will probably have one of the longer waits. We want a newborn that is healthy and Caucasian. We know that may sound picky and selfish, but we feel that we need to be very upfront with everyone, ourselves included, about what we expect.
Newborn because we want to bond with our child from the first possible moment. We want to be a part of every moment of their lives. We also want to avoid any emotional issues caused by abusive or neglectful parents, or attachment issues seen in children in group homes in many foreign adoptions. We realize that we cannot be guaranteed a perfect child, but we will do what we have to do to increase our odds.
By healthy we mean both physically and mentally, as much as can be guaranteed. We will only consider birth mothers who have proven that they have not put the child at risk by using drugs or alcohol while pregnant. We are not talking about a couple of beers or joints before they realized they were pregnant, but someone who continues to risk the child by doing so after they are aware of the circumstances.
Caucasian because we are, and while we intend to be open with our child from day one, we don't feel that we should be subjected to explaining the details of our child's birth to every stranger at the store who notices that we don't match perfectly. This should not be a problem, but it is. We chose not to subject ourselves or our child to that.
These are some of our thoughts on adoption. They may prove to be unpopular and I may just get my first comments from someone who is not Future Mommy, but these are our reasons and we stand by them.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Still here, still not pregnant..or am I?
I didn't realize how long it has been since I have posted. I made it to day 34 before I started. I stopped testing after the last post because I had that pre-period feeling. Why waste tests when you just know.
My OB upped the dosage of Femara to double the original and I braced myself for double the side effects. I still had the day of misery with achy muscles and nausea, but the rest of the month went much smoother. Occasional nausea that only lasted a few minutes, but I felt great otherwise. I tested on day 27 with negative results and started on day 29. I was hopeful, but not too much. I really feel that I O'd on time (my perfect 28 day cycle backs up my feeling on that subject), but it was not meant to be.
I called the Dr's office and decided to do another cycle with timed intercourse. I also got some good news. When we were going to the RE in Georgia, we were told that a cycle of insemination would run about $500. A friend of my Mother recently told her that the going rate was closer to $1,500. Wow! That's a big difference. That new figure was the basis for our decision to continue to try on our own for a few more months. While on the line with the nurse, I found out that the actual cost of insemination through my OB is only around $250. We will have to pay for the Ultrasounds since they are coded for infertility treatment and my insurance will have nothing to do with that service code, but that is much better than the $1,500 we were told to expect. I really need to learn to not trust people. I would probably be doing an insemination cycle this month if I had the correct info. We will do one next month if necessary, but hopefully we won't need to .
I am currently on day 18. No symptoms, but I had none this early for the other pregnancies either.
We have come to the conclusion that need be, we would be willing to try a cycle or two of insemination and if that failed, we would go with adoption (more on that in another post). For the cost of one round of IVF we could guarantee a healthy newborn through adoption, even if the wait is longer than we would like.
My OB upped the dosage of Femara to double the original and I braced myself for double the side effects. I still had the day of misery with achy muscles and nausea, but the rest of the month went much smoother. Occasional nausea that only lasted a few minutes, but I felt great otherwise. I tested on day 27 with negative results and started on day 29. I was hopeful, but not too much. I really feel that I O'd on time (my perfect 28 day cycle backs up my feeling on that subject), but it was not meant to be.
I called the Dr's office and decided to do another cycle with timed intercourse. I also got some good news. When we were going to the RE in Georgia, we were told that a cycle of insemination would run about $500. A friend of my Mother recently told her that the going rate was closer to $1,500. Wow! That's a big difference. That new figure was the basis for our decision to continue to try on our own for a few more months. While on the line with the nurse, I found out that the actual cost of insemination through my OB is only around $250. We will have to pay for the Ultrasounds since they are coded for infertility treatment and my insurance will have nothing to do with that service code, but that is much better than the $1,500 we were told to expect. I really need to learn to not trust people. I would probably be doing an insemination cycle this month if I had the correct info. We will do one next month if necessary, but hopefully we won't need to .
I am currently on day 18. No symptoms, but I had none this early for the other pregnancies either.
We have come to the conclusion that need be, we would be willing to try a cycle or two of insemination and if that failed, we would go with adoption (more on that in another post). For the cost of one round of IVF we could guarantee a healthy newborn through adoption, even if the wait is longer than we would like.
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