Third Time's A Charm

Look How Cute My Cat Is

2009-05-10T19:08:00.004-04:00

That's all I wanted to say. James is the sweetest little kitty and this picture taken by the husband shows off his adorable little fangs. He has a bit of an overbite and I am trying to get a pic of how cute it is. The problem is that he likes extreme closeups.

Laying Out Your Quilt

2009-05-10T18:50:00.003-04:00

Now let's all pretend we have finished all of our 36 blocks and are ready to move on to our next step. We need to lay our blocks out just like they will appear in our finished quilt and figure out what goes where.

If you used just one or two fabrics, this part is a breeze. They will either be all the same or will alternate. Any more fabrics and you will need to manipulate and move the blocks until you find a pleasing arrangment. I aim to not have two of the same color blocks touching, but will allow for them to touch diagonally since sometimes there is no way around it.

My process is to find a large, empty patch of floor and lay them out. Then once I think I have it right, I take a few steps back and get a good visual from that distance. Once I am pretty sure, I make the Husband take a look. He will usually make a few suggestions, many of which I will ignore and then I will say it's good enough and call it a day.

Once I am satisfied with the layout, I need to get the quilt blocks back off the floor before the cat makes a running dive into them and scatters them. This has happened a few times.

My process it to always start in the top left corner and pick them up in order across the row. You could go down. Do what makes you happy. Once you have a complete row, take a bit of paper and write row 1 and pin that to the stack, pinning through the entire stack to keep it in order. Repeat for each row. This way the are organized for when you are ready to sew them together.

If you are super organized you could make a diagram that is 6 blocks by 6 blocks and mark down your block positions in each block. I used to do this, but found it easy enough to keep track of using the pinning by row method.

You will want to sew each block together row by row, pinning at the seams just as before. Once you have a completely assembled row, you can pin your row number to the far left block and press of the seams you just created to one side.

Once all your rows are completed you can start joining the rows, using your papers marked with the row numbers as your guide. Take it block by block and match up your seams, pinning as you go. Again, press to one side and your quilt top is done.

Spread it back out and admire your hard work. Then take a picture and let me see it.

Everyone should check out Emma's progress. Her colors are beautiful and she is cranking out blocks like a pro.

Warning..There Will Be Cursing

2009-04-27T14:52:00.003-04:00

WTF!?!?!?!!?

Read this

Seriously, what sort of pathetic fucktard would have a blog with the sole mission of bashing people they don't agree with? Someone needs to make some real life friends. I contemplated posting a comment, but I really don't think the friendless reject would allow my comment to stay.

You know what Jasper, I am willing to bet you have or will have plenty of children. Because worthless twats like you are always able to breed. The world is full of dull eyed, slack jawed morons who should have been taken care of by natural selection. Only we, as a planet, have become so consumed with being politically correct that we are no longer allowed to just let nature takes it course and let dumbfucks like you die the horrible death you are due. People like you are the reason we have to put warning labels on everything to be sure that some inbred doesn't drink the bleach or stick his head under the running lawn mower. Well Jasper, drink up.

I am guessing by your name that you are what would pass for a man, no matter how pathetic the actual organ really is (and just guessing based on the fact that you are a contributor for the Takedown, it must be really tiny). So how would you know the longing to be a mother? You can't. Just like I can't know the longing of having a dick big enough to use on a real live woman. That must be really hard on you, you tiny peckered little bitch. You should be grateful for ART so that you can reproduce.

And now I am done. I have sunk to your level and got it off my chest. With the exception of the losers who actually read the takedown, I feel safe that the rest of the world can sort out bitter people like yourself who bash those suffering from real issues to make yourself feel better about your lack of a sex life.

Well, it seems that fucktard is not in blogger's dictionary, but twat is. Weird huh?

Anyone Out There?

2009-04-26T22:16:00.002-04:00

I have been slowly cranking out the blocks and was wondering how everyone else is doing. Do I still have any quilt along friends out there? I should be able to post the next steps soon and then we will be wrapping up the piecing part of our quilts.

If anyone is stuck or has questions, please feel free to email me or leave your question in the comments section.

Time to Start Sewing

2009-04-12T00:38:00.011-04:00

Sorry for the disappearing act, but overtime at work has been plentiful and I am taking full advantage. Gotta add to the adoption fund.

Okay, so we should all have our fabrics cut out and our supplies assembled and it's time to start sewing the blocks.

Each block is made up of 4 main fabric pieces and 4 background fabric pieces. We will be sewing each main fabric piece to a background piece to form 4 small squares. We will then join those squares together to form the complete square. The techniques will be different for machine and hand so here is where we split up.

Hand Sewing:
Lay out one of each piece right side up like this. You should have one wide end on the top and one on the bottom so that is will form a square when the seam is sewn.

Take the pieces and put them right sides together, keeping them in the same position they were layed out in. Notice that they do not perfectly line up. This is correct and will for the square shape once the seam is sewn.

Take a pin and insert it at the top left corner at the intersection of the seam lines you marked with your pencil. Make sure it goes through the same top left intersection on the back piece also. Now take your threaded needle (I like to use a double strand of thread for added durability) and make a knot in the top right corner, making sure you are going exactly through the intersection on both pieces of fabric. Then take another pin and put it through the center (you can just eyeball it, no need to measure it exactly) right on the seam line through both pieces of fabric. See the below pic for clarification. This will help keep your seams lined up as you sew.

Now sew across this line using a running stitch. Here is a really basic sample of running stitch in case you are not familiar. I usually stack 4 or 5 stitches on my needle before pulling it all the way through the fabric. This will increase your sewing speed a lot.

Once you have sewn all the way to the other end of the line, make another tight knot (I usually knot twice for added security) and clip your threat leaving about a 1/2" tail. Do this for all four sets of pieces. Once they are all sewn, you can press them with the seam going towards the darker colored fabric. It honestly won't matter too much which way you press, just be consistent and always press to either the main or the background fabric. This will make your final seams lay nicer in the end.

Once they are neatly pressed, lay them out in the block formation like this.

Now you are going to flip the top 2 blocks, right sides together and sew the joining seam. Repeat for the bottom 2 blocks.

Now you will have this.

Now piece the top and bottom blocks together, pinning like this. Be sure to pin right on the intersection of both side when you get to that center seam.

Once you are done, iron your new seams, again towards the same fabric you chose before and when it's done, flip it right side up and give it a good press, straight up and down to really flatten those seams.

Repeat for a total of 36 blocks.

Machine Sewing:

You will be using a 1/4" seam for this quilt. You may have a 1/4" line on your machine that you can use as a guide, but if not, then you can make one with permanent marker or you can tape a piece of paper to act as a guide. Practice on scrap material until you are sure you can sew a consistent 1/4" line. Once you find the 1/4" mark, go slowly and it will work and you will build up your speed with practice.

Lay out one of each piece right side up like this. You should have one wide end on the top and one on the bottom so that is will form a square when the seam is sewn.

Take the pieces and put them right sides together, keeping them in the same position they were layed out in. Notice that they do not perfectly line up. This is correct and will for the square shape once the seam is sewn. Make sure your edges on the side you are about to sew match perfectly

Take a pin and insert it at the top left corner at the intersection of the seam lines you marked with your pencil. Make sure it goes through the same top left intersection on the back piece also. Now do the same for the other end (pretend that is a pin and not a needle in the pic below) Then take another pin and put it through the center (you can just eyeball it, no need to measure it exactly) right on the seam line through both pieces of fabric. See the below pic for clarification. This will help keep your seams lined up as you sew. Once you get comfortable, you may not need to pin for this step.

Now sew across this line. You may want to use your machine's back stitch at the beginning and end of the seam to lock it in.

Do this for all four sets of pieces. Once they are all sewn, you can press them with the seam going towards the darker colored fabric. It honestly won't matter too much which way you press, just be consistent and always press to either the main or the background fabric. This will make your final seams lay nicer in the end.

Once they are neatly pressed, lay them out in the block formation like this.

Now you are going to flip the top 2 blocks, right sides together and sew the joining seam. Repeat for the bottom 2 blocks.

Now you will have this.

Now piece the top and bottom blocks together, pinning like this. Again, pretend that needle in the picture is just another pin. Be sure to pin right on the intersection of both side when you get to that center seam.

Once you are done, iron your new seams, again towards the same fabric you chose before and when it's done, flip it right side up and give it a good press, straight up and down to really flatten those seams.

Repeat for a total of 36 blocks

Tip for everyone:

You may want to make a bunch of the first step squares and then iron so you are not jumping up and running to your ironing board every few minutes.

If anyone is confused, gets stuck or just has questions, please feel free to email me or post your question in the comment section.

I will give us a few days to get started on our blocks and then I will post the next step. Don't feel rushed, because I can assure you that I will not be ready for the next step, but a really industrious machine sewer might be and I would hate to keep them waiting any more than I already have.

Cutting our Fabric

2009-04-05T15:39:00.006-04:00

Time to cut our fabric. We will be cutting the same shape from our background and our main fabrics. The way you will cut will be different depending on if you are hand sewing or machine sewing.

Hand Sewing :

Lay out your nicely pressed fabric with the wrong side up. If your fabric is light you will be using your mechanical pencil. If your fabric is dark, you will be using your chalk marking tool.

If you have a problem with the fabric moving around while you are marking, you can clip a sheet of fine grit sandpaper to a clipboard and lay your fabric on this as you mark. Just be careful not to move the fabric around on the sandpaper too much or you could damage your fabric.

Keep in mind that our goal is to trace out the actual lines we will be sewing on. This means we need to leave about ¼” around the outside of each shape (so about ½” between shapes).

Make sure your template is right side up (really there is no wrong side up, but you will have to keep your template consistently the same side up or you will not have pieces that fit together.) The way I had you mark your templates in the last post will result in whirlygigs that spin the way I think is the cutest. It just works for my head, but both ways are fine.

Flip flopping your template upside down and then right side up (but never flipping it over) will allow you to get the most pieces with the least waste from your fabric (See my paper example below for clarification). Just start in a corner and place the straight side against the straight edge of the fabric and trace around the shape. Flip and trace until you run out of fabric and then start a new row. Don’t forget to leave your seam allowance between each piece and each row.

The line just needs to be dark enough to be visible when you sew. I trace a bunch of pieces of each color and then start sewing because I am undisciplined and can’t be bothered with doing the logical thing and preparing all my pieces at one time. Do whatever makes you happy.

You will need to cut the following number of pieces for this pattern

Background - 144 (Everyone will need this amount)
1 Color Main - 144
2 Color Main - 72 each color
3 Color Main - 48 each color
4 Color Main - 36 each color
6 Color Main - 24 each color

Once your pieces are traced you will use your scissors to carefully cut each one out, leaving the ¼” border. I cut the rows out and then cut off the pieces from each row.

Machine Sewing:

If you have never used a rotary cutter, please read this quick tutorial.

Lay your pressed fabric out and neatly fold it in half selvage to selvage. Use your quilting ruler and rotary cutter to square up the edge of the fabric that was hand cut at the fabric store. Just take off enough to get a straight edge. This will give you a good clean start. Once you have a nice, straight edge, cut the fabric into 4” strips. You will need the following number of strips:

Background - 8 strips
1 Color Main - 8 strips
2 Color Main - 4 Strips each color
3 Color Main - 3 strips each color
4 Color Main - 2 strips each color
6 Color Main - 2 strips each color

Take the 4” strips and unfold. You can stack 2 or 3 strips as long as you make sure they are perfectly placed on top of each other. Place the strips face down.

Make sure your template is right side up (really there is no wrong side up, but you will have to keep your template consistently the same side up or you will not have pieces that fit together.) The way I had you mark your templates in the last post will result in whirlygigs that spin the way I think is the cutest. It just works for my head, but both ways are fine.

Start at the end of the strip(s) and using your template only as a guide for placing your quilting ruler, start cutting out the pieces. You will flip flop the template from top to bottom, but never flip it over. See the paper diagram below for clarification.

You will need to cut the following amount of pieces from each fabric:

Background - 144 (Everyone will need this amount)
1 Color Main - 144
2 Color Main - 72 each color
3 Color Main - 48 each color
4 Color Main - 36 each color
6 Color Main - 24 each color

Use this method to cut out the main fabrics and the background fabrics, but be sure not to cut your backing or binding fabrics. Once you have your pieces cut you will be ready to start sewing them into the blocks.

Template Cutting Time

2009-04-01T22:25:00.009-04:00

Okay, so we are ready to make our template and start cutting our fabric. You will need to know if you are hand sewing or machine sewing at this point, because your templates will be different sizes (for the machine sewing template you will have ¼” seam allowances already added to the template)

Instructions for Hand Sewing template:

Cut a 3.5” square from your template plastic or stiff cardboard ( a cereal box would work great). Take your time and make sure you get a perfect square, because a wonky square will only cause you heartache in the end.

Once you have your square, take your ruler and measure over 2” from the left side on the top and make a mark right at the very edge of the top.

Now make a mark 1.5” from the left on the bottom.

Now take your straight edge and connect your dots until you have this .

Carefully cut along the line and take one of your shapes (you only need one) and lay it out so that it looks just like this.

Now write “ 7" Whirlygig template”, or “this end up” or something on it in permanent ink so that you will know at a glance if you have your template right side up.

Instructions for Machine Sewing template:

Cut a 4” x 4.5" rectangle from your template plastic or stiff cardboard ( a cereal box would work great). Take your time and make sure you get a perfectly squared off rectangle, because wonky corners will only cause you heartache in the end.

Once you have your rectangle,lay it out with the 4.5" part at the top and bottom and the 4" on the sides.

Take your ruler and measure over 2 1/2” from the left side on the top and make a mark right at the very edge of the top.

Now make a mark 2” from the left on the bottom. Sorry for the blurry pic.

Now take your straight edge and connect your dots until you have this .

Carefully cut along the line and take one of your shapes (you only need one) and lay it out so that it looks just like this.

Now write “7” Whirlygig template”, or “this end up” or something on it in permanent ink so that you will know at a glance if you have your template right side up.

Next up is cutting into our fabric.

Quilt Along Ingredients

2009-03-23T21:47:00.005-04:00

This is for anyone who decides to do the quilt-along with Danielle and I. We have decided to do the whirlygig quilt. This is the first one I did and it was quick and fun to sew by hand.

I have broken the list down for those who will hand sew and those who will use a machine. The fabric requirements are the same for both, but the tools are a little different.

Fabric: You will need at least one main color and one background color. You can do multiple main colors and alternate them like in the quilt pictured above. The quilt will be made of 36 7" blocks and will be about 42" x 42" when we are done. The number 36 is very versatile and can easily be divided by 2,3,4 and 6 different fabrics.

Background fabric - 1 yard. This would be the white in the above photo.

Whirlygig fabrics:

1 fabric - 1 yard
2 fabrics - 5/8 yard of each
3 fabrics - 1/2 yard of each
4 fabrics - 1/3 yard of each
6 fabrics - 1/3 yard of each (you will have a bit left over)

Batting - 45"x45" piece. I use warm and natural or warm and white. This is available at most fabric stores, such as Joanne's and comes either on the roll (you will need to buy 1 1/4 yards and will have enough for another quilt), or you can buy it prepackaged in the 45" x 60" size and can just cut it down to size.

Backing - can be any cotton fabric. I usually use solids or scraps left over from the front of the quilt. You will need 1 1/4 yards.

Binding - again, any cotton fabric that coordinates with your chosen fabrics. You will need 1/3 yard.

Tools:

Hand sewing -
Pins

Needles (I like quilting sharps)

Thread (Unless working with a really dark fabric, I usually just use off white. Don't get the cheap walmart stuff or any off brand. Coats and Clark is inexpensive and works well. I usually use all purpose or machine quilting.

Thimble (for the quilting)

Mechanical pencil (or chalk pencil for darker fabrics)

Decent scissors

Template plastic or thin, sturdy cardboard

Ruler

Safety pins

Machine Sewing -

Sewing Machine

Pins

Thread (Unless working with a really dark fabric, I usually just use off white. Don't get the cheap walmart stuff or any off brand. Coats and Clark is inexpensive and works well. I usually use all purpose or machine quilting.

Decent scissors

Quilter's Ruler- The 6" x 24" size is a great size for most quilting projects.

Rotary Cutter

Self Healing Cutting Mat - doesn't need to be too huge, but a decent size to work with your fabric

Safety Pins

Once you have gathered your supplies and fabric you can wash and iron your fabric or just iron. Either way is fine, but be consistent. Don't wash some and not the rest or you may have shrinking issues once the quilt is done. I personally wash my fabrics but not my batting. This way I get the old fashioned crinkly look when I wash the finished quilt.

Next up is cutting your fabrics and getting started.

Mountain Baby Blankets

2009-03-16T15:50:00.002-04:00

A few weeks (months ago) Diane Sawyer did a special on Appalachia. I did not watch this as knocked up 13 year olds and meth heads popping out kids they can't/won't raise properly is just not going to improve my mood, but I do feel for the innocent children born into this life. The ones too young to make a choice and get the hell out of this community.

Apparently among the many other concerns, lack of blankets make staying warm a challenge. That breaks my heart. Cold, hungry babies make me sad. And Rachel of Rachel Cox Designs is doing something about it. Actually, she is enlisting lots of people to do something about it.

This post is her discussing the show and brainstorming about her idea. This post is her decision based on her responses and some info for getting started.

I have been planning to make several simple quilts for the project. When she announced there is no time limit I planned even more. Then I started thinking about people who may not read craft blogs. That is unless they are tricked into it by it being cleverly disguised as an adoption/infertility blog. These are people who will probably have the same conflicted emotions as me (but maybe not so judgy, because I tent to get a bit judgy about the whole thing). I bet a bunch of those people know how to sew. I bet a few more would like to learn or would be willing to in an effort to help with such a great project.

I am reaching out to those people. I was thinking a really simple quilt along. We would do it together. I could have instructions for people who want to use a machine or those who don't have a sewing machine and would like to try it by hand (it's really not that bad and it's a relaxing thing to do while watching TV).

They would not be huge quilts. They won't be expensive. They won't be hard and I will be available to help anyone who gets stuck or has questions. If anyone is interested I will post some pics of easy quilts and we can decide on what we would like to do. Then I will post a list of supplies (many you will already have on hand, even if you are not a quilter) and we can get started.

Any takers?

Show and Tell

2009-03-15T21:52:00.004-04:00

This is my first ever show and tell so be gentle. Also go and check out all the other cool things people are showing and telling about.

These are the kids purses I have been making. They are actually just mini versions of my diaper bags, without all the fancy pockets. They are almost as much trouble as the big bags, but soooo cute and little girls love them.

The purple flowers and the pink jacks were actually used by a co-worker as mini diaper bags for 2 soon to be big sisters. She didn't want them to feel left out during the baby shower festivities. She stuffed them with a few newborn diapers, a bib and a few other odds and ends. They can be used as purses once the new baby obsession wears off. The cherry purse if for my partner's little girl, M. I needed something to balance out the tooth fairy pillow for her little brother.

Tooth Fairy Pillows

2009-03-10T15:36:00.002-04:00

Here are the tooth fairy pillows I have been making. So far all the kids have loved them. I am giving a custom pillow away in my first ever drawing.

Here's how it works. You can earn one entry for each of the following things;

Leave me a comment on this post
Blog about this drawing
Twitter about this drawing

Just let me know what you did to enter (except for the comments on this post, because I can see those) by dropping me an email at timetoadopt@hotmail.com.

Entry deadline is 10 PM ET on Friday, March 13, 2009.

Once the winner is selected, they will be contacted regarding desired name and fabric choices.

I Did It

2009-03-06T15:44:00.003-05:00

I had to. I bought the Shark Steam Mop.

Is anyone familiar with Kohls? They have been around a while, but the Husband and I had never been in one until about 6 months ago. Now we are addicted. They are a mid-range department store that has crazy good sales, and if you have a Kohls charge card (we normally don't do store charge cards, but the special discounts were too good to pass up)you get special coupons and discounts if you use your Kohl's card.

The discounts are a scratch off kinda deal and you usually have the chance of getting either 15%, 20% or 30% off. I rarely get about 15% and never thought I would see a 30%, but there it was in the mail the other day.

So yesterday I head to the store with my coupon in my hot little hand and scored some major deals. The best was the Steam Mop. Normally $99.99. On sale for $79.99. With my coupon it was $56. Way better than the $80 it was at Walmart.

I also scored a bathroom rug for like $4 and a pair of sterling silver earrings for about $5 (they were 60% off and then my coupon).

So I used it last night and it's pretty cool. I am ashamed at how nasty the pads were when I was done.

The reviews said the cord was in the way and that the handle was flimsy. I thought the handle seemed very sturdy and the handle has 2 cord holder things that you use to get the cord up and out of the way. Maybe they have made improvements, or maybe the people writing the reviews are morons, but either way, no complaints here.

Felt Food Obsession

2009-03-05T22:21:00.008-05:00

This is my current obsession during the down time at work. I have been making them for my co-worker J's kids and also for my friend M's son. I am having so much fun that I might have to put some on my Esty site. I really need to put something on there.

Here are the breakfast items I have so far. Pancakes with removable syrup and butter pats and an omelet are also in the works.

Here is the sushi roll and a few random strawberries. Just some odds and ends that will have coordinating items soon. You can't really tell in this photo, but there is a pink blob above the green and orange blobs.

This is a selection of cookies. Lots of sweet ideas floating in my head right now.

Here is a set of chicken nuggets complete with ketchup and BBQ sauce for dipping. There will be crinkle fries and apple slices coming soon to complete this set.

Now I am off to finish my pasta sauce to go with the ravioli and bow tie pasta set.

Why the Husband Doesn't Let Me Watch Infomercials

2009-02-27T19:01:00.003-05:00

I'm a sucker. Not for every single thing sold on infomercials, but occasionally I see something that I just have to have.

The most dismal failures have been the pet hair roller thing (several years ago) which was covered in cat fur after the first rotation and had to constantly be rinsed in hot water and dried to get the job done.

The most recent was the Peticure. I was fully prepared to slowly work James up to it, but he apparently had watched the commercial and freaked out and ran as soon as the Husband pulled it out of the box. It didn't even have the batteries in it and he had decided that it was the enemy. I worked for a week trying to get him to let me near him with the thing. I actually had him eating treats right next to it while it was on, but the minute we picked it up he lost his mind and became a boneless feline who could wiggle out of any grasp. It is now sitting on the bottom shelf of our coffee table, taunting me with the possibility of blunt cat claws that lie just out of my grasp.

So the Husband doesn't even allow the temptation in our house. If an infomercial comes on he distracts me or changes the channel. I still want the Shamwow, but I fully realize that they will probably suck, so I just don't think about it when I walk past them at Walmart.

Well, despite the Husband's best efforts, he can't control my infomercial viewing at work. I didn't mean to watch it, but my Partner had the remote and had left the room and I was too lazy to get up and change the channel so I got sucked into the Shark Steam Mop commercial.

At first I was skeptical as always. It always starts that way, but then they tell you about how it's only water, no chemicals. And the pads are washable. Well, that's environmentally friendly isn't it? I love environmentally friendly. And it would mean really clean floors for when our baby starts to crawl (see, I managed to work the baby into a mop purchase). But I hate to pay shipping, so never mind. But I bet they sell it at Walmart. Maybe I should just check the Walmart website. Hey, it's only $79.88. And no cleaner to buy. And it has 2 pads, so when one is in the wash, I have a back up. It has 4 out of 5 stars, not too shabby I rationalized. Let's read the reviews, bad ones first. Flimsy and cord gets in the way. I can work with that. I have a Swiffer and it's not the most sturdy thing, but no problems so far.

So should I do it? Does anyone have one and love it? Or hate it? Will it really make me want to mop? Will it break the first time I use it? Enable or stop me people.

Look what I found while looking up the link. It's just getting worse and worse.

Doll Quilt Update

2009-02-23T15:45:00.002-05:00

The quilts went over even better than I expected. P, the little boy, is a major blankie lover and was very excited. He kept running around showing everyone and spreading it out on the ground to look at it. My partner said he has carried it constantly since he got it. I am going to call this project a success.

Next up is the tooth fairy pillow project I have had on my mind for a while. I gave M hers the other night since she is already in the tooth loosing stage, but I ran out of white fabric and could not finish P's yet. I didn't think it would be a big deal until he looked at me with those big eyes and said "where's my piwo." So sad. I am working on his now. I also have orders for 4 more from another co-worker. I may end up putting them up in my Etsy site.

Killing Time

2009-02-20T16:06:00.006-05:00

So the Husband and I have made the decision to wait a few months until we start to see a little improvement in the economy before we proceed with the next step in the adoption process, which is forking over a large chunk of cash.

This is more his desire to wait than mine, but I see where he is coming from and I know that we both need to be on board completely for this major life decision. We have discussed that it will just be a few more months at most (unless something horrible happens that we don't foresee) and then we will proceed. I guess that in the grand scheme of things, a few more months is really nothing compared to how long we have been trying.

So, in the mean time, I am keeping myself busy, but not in a way that totally avoids the thought of adoption like I see so many others who are at various stages of the waiting game trying to do. For me this has meant working as much overtime as I can and crafting.

Due to the fact that my thoughts are still very much on being a mother, most of my crafting has centered on this fact. It's a little hard for me to make too much in the way of our own child since we have no idea when this child will arrive or what sex he/she will be, so I have been testing my ideas on co-workers and friends.

These are some of the results. These are doll quilts. They are the perfect size for a small child to wrap their dolls in and are very cute if I do say so myself. These two in particular are for my work partner's 4 yo daughter and 2 yo son. They are a perfect way to see if I enjoy piecing a pattern before committing to a full sized quilt and it turns out that I really enjoyed both of these.

This 9 patch is for M, the 4 (almost 5)yo girl. Like most human females her age, pink is her favorite color. This quilt was made completely from scraps, right down to the batting (pieced from previous project scraps) to the pieced backing. My machine quilting was not the best on this piece, but in my defense it was late and I just wanted it done. Actually, that's not really a defense. More of a pathetic excuse.

This whirlygig is for P, the 2 (almost 3) yo boy. I was anxious to try this pattern and it turns out I do love it as much as I though I would. In fact, I have about 5 more quilts in this pattern planned out in my head and one in the works (baby sized).

I am giving them to the kids tonight, so I hope they love them and enjoy them.

GO STEELERS!

2009-02-01T20:01:00.004-05:00

It's Super Bowl Sunday and the Husband is firmly planted on the couch, wearing his new Roethlisberger jersey and periodically yelling at the TV. I am about to join him to do a bit of hand quilting and watch the commercials. I think it is safe now, since they just scored a pretty amazing touchdown.

I had big plans for the game day menu, but I am just getting over a stomach bug and the Husband's stomach is not feeling too hot either, so I just tried a few different recipes I have been wanting to make and we munched on and off throughout the day.

First up was this salsa. I love All Recipes for recipes because they have reviews and people always give great tips for changing it up too. The Husband didn't think it had enough heat, but I really liked it (total wimp about spice here). I need to figure out a way to up the heat because the roasted green chili peppers in a can that I bought seem very mild. I even added a bit of fresh jalapeno (very finely minced) and it didn't do much. I did it in my food processor and it is not chunky at all, but more smooth like the stuff you get in Mexican restaurants. I could have made it chunkier by processing it less, but we like it like this.

Next I tried these bacon wrapped little smokies, also from All Recipes. They were quite yummy, but learn from my experience and cut the bacon into thirds like they say. I cut it in half and had a hard time getting it crispy enough because it was wrapped around the smokie more than once. I also recommend saving part of your brown sugar back and once the tops look good, flip them over and sprinkle the rest of the brown sugar on the back sides and let them get nice and brown too.

The final recipe is one we have had many, many times. Spicy Orange Garlic Shrimp are amazing. We have also done it with chicken and steak, but into bit size bits. Very yummy. As I mentioned before, I am wimpy when it comes to spicy so I decrease the cayenne and the Old Bay when I make the shrimp. The chicken and steak don't seem to absorb the heat like the shrimp do, so I use the normal amount for them.

Adoption Tax Credit Due to Expire in 2010

2009-01-28T00:16:00.003-05:00

I had no idea that the adoption tax credit was not a permanent thing. I have a feeling this may be a shock to many adoptive families. The tax credit is often the only way a family is able to adopt due to the expense. I am personally scared that the credit will expire before we are able to take advantage of it. We are really counting on this credit to help absorb some of the huge financial burden our adoption will be.

I am in a bit of a freak out but found this site that explains the situation and links to listings for your Congressional Reps and Senators. I have a list of people who will be receiving letters from me very soon. I am also asking my family and friends to take the time to write or email on behalf of anyone who has ever or will ever adopt.

I am also asking that anyone who reads this, even if you are not personally involved in an adoption situation, would take just a minute to help those of us who really need this.

There are even sample letters that you can change to fit your situation.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to write.

Anemic Again

2009-01-27T14:34:00.002-05:00

I can't remember if I have mentioned it, but I have been having problems with my asthma. After the adoption physical I made an appointment to talk to my new Doctor about the asthma and to review the new patient blood work she ordered.

Of course, in my usual style of procrastination, I didn't' get my blood work done until yesterday, just in time for my two week follow up appointment for my asthma.

At the last appointment, she had put me on Symbicort to treat my asthma. I was diagnosed with mild asthma about 8 years ago, but suspect I have probably had it all my life. Until recently it has been controlled by the occasional (couple times a month) use of a rescue inhaler. For the last four months I have been using my inhaler at least once a day and often more than that.

It started after our new cat, James, was diagnosed with a skin condition and had to be dipped in a mixture of lime and sulfur once a week for about 5 weeks. The stench of the dip felt like it was burning my lungs and likely irritated them to the point that they are having a hard time healing themselves. It was getting better since the dips stopped, but it was taking so long and was starting to really worry me. The Symbicort is a long lasting medication that will reduce inflammation and allow my lungs to heal. The point of this part of the story is that I am now on Symbicort for the next six months and we will decide what to do from there.

Now back to the actual point of this post. My blood work somehow managed to get back in time for today's appointment. My cholesterol and all associated things are very good. My thyroid is actually being over medicated still, so that level is being dropped again. The only real problem is that I am anemic again.

I was first diagnosed with anemia about 2 years ago, shortly after we moved back to Florida. It was kind of a shock because I had never been told I was anemic before and anyone who has been through infertility testing knows that they check for everything. The nurse practitioner who gave me the results sent me for a colonoscopy (that was fun) which came back normal. My follow up appointment was with another nurse practitioner who announced in a cheerful voice that the colonoscopy was unnecessary since she could tell from the blood work that the anemia was not from blood loss, but because my red blood cells were small and pale. I really wish someone had caught that before I had a giant tube shoved up you know where.

I took prenatals to correct the condition since we were trying to get knocked up anyway and never thought much more about it until now. Now I am mildly anemic again and the Doctor has ordered more blood work to confirm it is an iron deficiency. Hopefully with will be the problem and a simple pill will fix me right up.

All in all, it was a pretty good appointment and I am still relatively healthy and in no immediate danger of keeling over from anything that we know of.

Wow, that was long and boring. Sorry to anyone read to the end of this one.

Finally Finished

2009-01-26T15:02:00.005-05:00

I promise this won't become a craft blog, but I have realized that if I only blog about adoption and babies that this is going to become a very slow blog. Crafting is a huge part of my life and since this blog is about adoption and our life, then crafts will naturally be a part of it.

This is the quilt I made for my Mother-in-law for Christmas. We are going over tonight to give it to her. It has actually been done for about a week now, but still way past the Christmas deadline. I have a habit of doing that. Assuming that I can get something done by a certain day and failing to take into account the rest of my life needing attention. That is the reason my Mom's quilt will also be late. Luckily, close family and friends know me and kind of expect it. The best of intentions and all.

This is the back of the quilt. I have always wanted to try a pieced back but never did. This time I realized that my back piece would be bigger than the width of the fabric I used on the front. If I was smart I would have bought the extra wide quilt backing material they sell and use it for the front parts too, but I always forget. Luckily I had extra bits of the fabric used to make the stars and was able to piece this together in a pretty cool fashion. I really like it and hopefully she will too.

The fabric used for the stars is from a jelly roll type thing they recently started carrying at Jo-Anns. It had 18 strips, with two strips of each of nine different fabrics that all coordinated. The strips were 2.5" x 44". I had to buy extra from the bolt (they had some of the fabrics from the collection on the bolt and they also had fat quarters and charm packs from the same collection)for the binding.

They had 2 different fabric collections and they seem to have sold well, so I am hoping they will continue to carry this type of packaging option.

Visit with my Grandparents

2009-01-23T01:28:00.004-05:00

On Thursday I had a visit with my Grandparents. I haven't had a chance to really sit down and discuss the adoption with them. They knew that it was an option we were considering for quite some time so I know they were not shocked, but I really wanted to have a chance to explain everything and get their opinions and answer any questions.

Our family is not new to the whole adoption thing. My grandmother's older sister, Aunt D could not have children. I have no idea why. This was back in the 40's and 50's and testing was very limited I am sure. All I know is that she and Uncle B really wanted a baby. So Uncle B went and found one. A young girl who was pregnant and looking to place the baby for adoption. It was a private adoption and as was the way for most adoptions back then, it was kept secretive and no one talked about it.

My cousin F found out when he was 13 years old. They felt it was time to tell him. Let's just say that the conversation did not go so well. He had a bit of a melt down and I am honestly not sure that his relationship with his parents was the same after that. Apparently my Grandparents saw it coming and had tried to convince them to be honest with him about it from an early age.

This was the first bit of advice they gave me when I talked about adoption several years ago. They brought it up again today and I assured them that no matter the type of adoption we end up in (we are looking for semi, but will accept closed. Not really sure we want to go the open route), our child will know from day one that they were adopted.

The rest of the conversation was just about what we were looking for in a baby (sounds like buying a car huh?) and how long we might have to wait and what we had to do. They were so supportive, not that that I expected anything less from them. I am very close to my Grandparents and I could have sat there and told them I was planning on catching a feral cat and raising it as our child and they would have volunteered to baby sit.

They are so excited to have great grandchildren and I am sad when I think about how much less time our child will have to know them now that this process has taken us so long.

It seems so unfair that this is so hard for us. We are good people. We are financially responsible and are honest and hardworking and so ready to be parents.

I sometimes find myself wondering what the hell we did for God to keep this from us. Then I look around and see that obviously God is not handing out children based on a merit system. If that was the case then 13 year olds and crack heads wouldn't be popping them out faster than the WIC office can sign them up. But still, in the back of my mind, I wonder why. Is this some huge lesson? Is it so that we will appreciate our child and the experience of being parents more? Because, honestly,it's been 9 years. I think we get the point now.

Youdata Update

2009-01-23T01:25:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I mentioned Youdata. I just wanted to update anyone who might have been interested. Since I started it about 2 weeks ago I have made about $7.00. Not much, but it is growing and potentially could be the source of a nice bit of pocket change in the near future.

10 Honest Things

2009-01-23T00:41:00.006-05:00

Danielle from Life induces thoughts, mostly random tagged me for a meme. I'm not sure if I should thank her or track her down and torture her.

I am supposed to list 10 honest things about myself. I saw her comment alerting me to the fact several days ago, but this is the first real chance I have had to sit down and type out. I have been thinking about it though, and here is what I have come up with....

1. I am scared to be a parent. I am a 35 year old woman who has been trying to have a baby for over 9 years now and I am still scared. Not really scared of the day to day care like diapering and feeding and stuff, but more the financial aspects of it. I don't want to raise a spoiled child, but I do want to raise a child who has everything they need and a lot of what they want. I was raised in a household with both parents and while we never went hungry, I didn't have the cool cloths or toys. It was hard for me. I went to school in a very affluent area and people were very concerned about what you wore and where you lived and what your parents drove. The Husband was raised by his mother and stepfather as one of five kids living at home. They were not well off and probably would have qualified for some kind of financial assistance if his mother had not been to proud to ask. He shares my fear. That is one of the reasons we waited so long to start trying. He wanted to be financially stable and to have a house for our child to grow up in. We are in that position and have been for over 10 years now, but this adoption is going to put a big dent in our nest egg. Our security for our future. His and mine and our child's.

2. Sometimes I compare my new cat (James - 10 months old) with my previous cat (Sam - 14 years old when he died last July) and it's not favorable for James. I have to remind myself that he and Sam are very different and that he is still a baby and will mature and that it's okay that he is not just like Sam, because he an amazing and sweet personality all his own.

3. I like Sci-Fi. I was so sad when I watched the last Stargate Atlantis that I actually put off watching it for 3 days. I would have put it off longer, but I was worried it would somehow get erased from the DVR. I am a geek and proud of it, but damn, have you seen Ronon?

4. I have crafting ADD. I get so obsessed with a project and will get like 90% done and then walk away. I have no idea why. I enjoy the feeling of completing a project, but so often I don't or it takes years to finally get around to finishing it. It's sad really. I made dealing with that a goal for 2009. Of course it was also a goal for 2007 and 2008.

5. My partner at work has forced me to watch reality tv and now I find myself actually sucked into it and curious about what happens. And not mainstream reality tv that you can feel good about either. The really crappy stuff like "Real Chance at Love", "Rock of Love" and "Tool Academy". I'm ashamed.

6. I put off losing weight because I figured I was just going to get pregnant and get fat and why go to all that trouble until after the baby was born. I rationalized it with things like,"Oh, well I always eat really healthy when I'm pregnant" and "I'm going to nurse so that will help me drop the weight". Now, with our decision to adopt, I am forced to get off my butt and actually do something to lose the weight.

7. My Wii hurts my feelings. It's really mean. I know that little "Oh" comment happens to everyone, even my skinny little niece, but it still hurts. And I was really offended when we set up the Wii Fit and it made my little Mii get bigger.

8. I am pissed that our adoption is going to cost so much. I am pissed that out of about $28,000 that we will pay, only about $6,000 will go to the birth mother. I am pissed that she is even getting that much. I don't mind paying for meds related to the pregnancy, or even ones she needs to stay healthy during the pregnancy. I don't mind paying medical bills not covered under insurance or medicaid. I don't mind paying for maternity clothing within reasonable amounts. I don't even mind paying rent if she is truly homeless, but not just because she wants to get her own apartment at our expense. I really don't mind paying for healthy food to ensure the baby gets the nutrition it needs. But I don't think we should be paying her cell phone bill and utilities and car payment. Crap like this being available to them is what causes expectant mothers to scam. A free ride for the entire pregnancy in the state of Florida. Our agency only allows expenses after 20 weeks, but still. Of course, there are circumstances where I would change my opinion, but in most cases she can get a job. Pregnancy is not incapacitating in most cases. It's not an excuse to live off of others. I am pissed that this will be our only child because of how much it is going to cost. It would take years to be able to afford another adoption and we don't want to be that old and have a newborn.

9. I really want The Husband to dye his hair. He is getting a touch of grey around the temples and I don't want people to ask us if we are the grandparents when we go somewhere with the baby. He doesn't look old at all, but that grey bothers me. I mentioned it once and he was very adamant about not dying his hair. I guess I will just deal with it.

10. I am so inexperienced and ignorant about blogging that I have not really ventured out too much into the blogging world and I don't even have 7 people to tag for this meme. I read a lot of blogs, both about infertility/adoption/parenting and about crafts, but I don't comment a lot and I doubt any of them even know I exist. It's another goal for 2009. To reach out to others and make blogging friends and to get my blog out in the open more.

So that being said, I tag Karen from Clio. I know that she is out of town right now and dealing with a sore wrist and a non-napping baby, but if she wants to and finds the time, the offer is on the table.

Tired

2009-01-18T16:09:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my first day off in 8 days. Not a big deal, except my days are 12 hour days. I am feeling run down and lazy. My house is a mess and the Husband is wanting attention and all I feel like doing is sleeping.

At least football is on and he is distracted, so I am off to Jo-Anne's for more fabric for my Mom's quilt and then a lazy afternoon of quilting and napping, with a little house cleaning tossed in.

I haven't had a lot of free time to post, but not much is going on. The Husband got his physical done and the paperwork signed. We should be turning the paperwork in along with the check and starting our home study soon.

And I bought a bottle brush. I haven't made much progress on list, but I have some time and I still want to go to Babies R' Us with M before I buy much more.

I have also found an interesting diapering option. I don't have the link on this computer, but I will get it from work and post about it. I really need to research it more, but it sounds like a pretty good cross between disposables and cloth.

Work, Work, Work

2009-01-11T16:20:00.002-05:00

That is all I am doing and all I will be doing for the next week or so. I work 12 hour shifts so this is going to be a long week for me since I signed up for a ton of overtime. Great money but not too much down time and what little I have will be taken up with sleeping and eating.

I will try to pop in and post about the Husband's physical and any new and exciting news, but not too much is going on right now anyway.

The Things People Google

2009-01-09T15:21:00.003-05:00

I was checking out my blog stats today and I was looking at the different ways people are finding my blog. I always enjoy seeing what Google search led someone to my little blog and today was the best.

First, some poor soul did a search for "dishwasher basket" and stumbled upon my crazed ranting and pictures of the first adoption purchase. I hope that they took time to read the comments and see the helpful tip about my choice being a little on the small side.

The second one I found was the best ever for me. It will probably not get any better. I still can't figure out how my blog came up for this, but here is what was typed in the Google search bar. "can u get pregnant if the guy already came 2 times and came in me the third time."

Now, I can only assume that it's because of the mention of third time, but I was the fifth choice on the results page. Really, that was the best Google could do for this poor girl? The worst is that the post they show a bit of is about the fabric for my diaper bag and includes descriptions of quilting items at the end. She must have been really confused and disappointed when she clicked that link.

Well, that was my laugh for the day.

Something Cool

2009-01-09T01:20:00.002-05:00

The other day while reading Karen's blog, I came across a post about YouData. I was intrigued and checked it out. Basically, they pay you to view ads. Right now all I have had are text ads and they are not very profitable, but they only require a click and you can check out the site further if it interests you. It seemed like a quick way to make a few extra bucks to support my Etsy habit, so I signed up. Since I already had an established Paypal account it only took a few minutes to get started.

I have made a little over $4.00 in the last few days for approximately 3 minutes of my time total. It's not a lot, but as the site grows and more people become members and more advertisers sign on it will grow and there will be more ads available, allowing me to earn more.

The best part if that the ads are targeted to me. I answered a few questions and based on my answers, they select ads that are likely to appeal to me and my family. And it seems to be working. I have already found several great stores and a very cool review blog full of cool items I never knew existed. Like this handy little gadget. Oddly, I have seen this same item 3 times in the last few days. I can't remember the first place, but it was online and probably a blog. Later that day I was flipping through a parenting magazine and the Doctor's office while waiting for my TB test (By the way, I am TB free officially) and came across it in a little collection of hot new items. I made a mental note to check out the website, but forgot until tonight when I clicked on an ad at YouData and this was an item reviewed on the site. I think I am destined to buy these once we get our baby. Very cool idea too. Someone is making a killing off this little band.

A Nice Surprise

2009-01-06T15:32:00.003-05:00

Last night at work my co-worker, J, announced she had some baby stuff for me. When we walked out to her car this morning after our shift was over, she handed me 2 huge bags stuffed full of baby stuff that she was giving me.

In addition to about 20 blankets in mostly neutral colors, she also gave me a brand new, still in the box, grocery cart cover that also works as an interactive play mat. Very cute and probably expensive. I also have a brand new delicates bag for washing tiny baby clothing, a bath seat for when the baby gets older and can sit up, a cute little ducky bath mitt (also brand new) and a sweet photo album with ducks on it, still wrapped in the plastic it came in.

Very nice and I am extremely grateful. It's so nice to have wonderful friends who are supporting us with our adoption process.

Why do the Baby Furniture Making People Hate Me?

2009-01-05T02:18:00.003-05:00

As discussed in my previous post, adoption is expensive. That will be a recurring theme on this blog. Just thought you should know.

Due to the fact that it is so friggen expensive, we have been looking at ways of making our money count when it comes to baby stuff. We have to buy a crib. I am sure the Social Worker would be a bit hesitant to sign off on us if she thought we had plans to make the child sleep in a drawer. Cribs can be cheap, but they can also be a bit less cheap (but still not expensive) and be multi-taskers. I like the ones that convert from crib to toddler bed to day bed to full size bed, because frankly, I doubt a 13 year old boy would be too happy if forced to sleep in a pretty day bed.

We like the look of dark wood and would like to go with either black or espresso. We feel that those colors would grow with the child and would work for either a boy or girl.

So I researched. I found this crib in either ebony or espresso. Not a bad price and they have coordinating dressers that are the right height to serve as changing tables with the addition of a changing pad. But the reviews showed the dressers were kind of small (not so good when they get older and the clothes get bigger) and they were kind of pricey for the quality.

So then I looked at this crib and was impressed by the price and reviews. Then I tried to find a matching dresser. This is the only dresser that Graco makes in espresso. It's kind of froofy. Does it look like something a boy would want once he gets out of diapers? Too girly? It also looks kind of small in that picture. Of course they don't have one in the store to see in real life.

We have a great dresser in natural pine that could easily be stained or painted to match, but I doubt we could get the color right. Who knows. That may be the way we go. We could always paint some sample pine and take it to the store to check it against the Graco version of espresso. If we can get close enough it might have to do. I really don't want to get rid of that dresser and there is no where else to store it once the room becomes the nursery.

So I guess my only complaint is that they suck you in with cute, affordable, magically transforming cribs and sock it to you with the dressers.

Why I Love My Friend M

2009-01-05T01:56:00.003-05:00

There are lots of reasons really to love my friend M, but the most recent reason is a big one.

You see, this whole adoption thing is pricey. I have always dreamed of buying everything brand new and in the perfect color to coordinate with everything else. Adoption has thrown a wrench into that plan in a few ways.

One way is that we don't have a due date like we would with a pregnancy of our own. No time frame to be ready by. It could be a week after we sign, it could be a year. This also means no season to judge clothing needs by. And while knowing the sex of they baby is not a guarantee ever, odds were high that we would have had some advance notice. I am high risk for pregnancy due to our history so that usually means more scans and we were also planning on the fancy 3D/4D scan just because it is amazing and cool and not really that expensive for such a clear first look at the baby.

The other reason is that this is very expensive. We are not super rich. We are normal and there has been a big change of lifestyle happening here lately to help save extra so that we can afford to send this kid to college one day. We have to make some concessions and M has been a huge help in this.

M's son just turned two and has long outgrown all his baby stuff. In her garage, neatly packed away, are a car seat/stroller combo, play yard, gym mat, high chair, bouncy seat, swing, walker, bumbo seat and a ton of other items that are pretty pricey and only get used for a few months. She has offered everything to us to use. I can't even begin to express how wonderful this is. I think I am going to go through my lists and based on the price of the selections I made, see how much this will save us. It's going to be a big amount.

The only thing out of the list of items she is loaning us that I intend to buy myself is our own car seat/stroller combo. This gets a lot of wear and tear and I would hate to hand it back to her in less than perfect condition. This is also something that gets a lot of use and for quite a while, so not a waste of money just for a few months of use. I do intend to have her car seat on hand though, in case of a quick placement. I have a set picked out, but don't want to order now because not only do I not want to stare at a stroller if the wait turns out to be long (talk about depressing), but I am fickle and have been known to fall out of love with a pattern as quick as I fell in love.

All of M's stuff is neutral, even though little M is a boy. I would have picked it all out myself to be honest. Lots of green which is our favorite color. I just want to hug her every time I think about what she is doing for us.

I love lists

2009-01-05T01:27:00.002-05:00

I really love lists. I love making lists and I especially love crossing things off my lists. I have been known to make lists of things that I want to make lists of. Sad huh?

This whole adoption thing has been a list making bonanza for me. Lists of things to do for the home study. Lists of people to bug for pictures. Lists of people to ask for referrals. And best of all, lists of baby stuff.

You might notice that I have added a list to the right hand side bar (I feel obligated to note that there are copies of this list in several other strategic places though out my home, car and purse.) It's a list of baby stuff we would need should we get a surprise placement. The thought had never occurred to me until we met a couple at our orientation who had it happen to them. One hour to decide and get there. They had to stop at Babies R Us to get the basics on the way in.

As soon as I heard there story the mental list started. I have now put it to paper about a thousand times over. Revising and rewriting. My ever patient co-worker, J, has been very helpful as the mother of a 4 year old and a 2 year old. So has M of course, who has loaned me the use of almost all of her baby gear (a whole nother post devoted to each item I am sure).

I bought my first item the other day, not counting stuff purchased over the years during out pregnancies and the trying. I mentioned it before and now, in my effort to make this blog a little less boring, I have taken a picture of it. Actually, I took two, because the first one was blurry when I went to crop it, so I had to set it up and take another. That's devotion I tell you.

Without further ado, here is the dishwasher basket............

And now that you have all been awed by the sight of my brand new dishwasher basket, let me explain the list on my sidebar (which is not complete and I welcome any suggestions). I intend for this to be a list of items I would need to get through the first day. Additional items that are necessary to function for the short term can be picked up the next day, and after the shower(s) we will buy anything else we feel is necessary that we do not own. Items with a * are items that I have already obtained. I will adjust the list as I purchase. I am sure I will also take more pictures and discuss each item at length, so please keep my blog in mind should you ever find yourself experiencing insomnia.

The goal is to buy only the necessary amount of each item so we don't end up with a bunch of generic green and yellow. Not that we hate green and yellow, we would just like a little pink or blue tossed in once we know for sure.

I feel a list of crafty projects for the baby coming on. I wonder how much my sidebar can handle?

The Fabric for my Diaper Bag?

2009-01-04T23:43:00.006-05:00

This is the jelly roll that M gave me for christmas. She knows how much I love this collection. It is the Recess by American Jane collection from Moda. Oh, how I love Moda.

In my excitement of receiving this beautiful gift, I did not even have a plan for what it would become. It was still a few days before Christmas and I was up to my eyeballs in projects that had to be finished by the big day.

It was the day after while in the shower that the answer came to me. I was washing my hair and thinking about what pattern to use for the diaper bag. The plan was always to make my own, since M and I actually have a little business doing just that. I just had no idea what fabric to use.

I didn't want to plan for either boy or girl, because even if we do have a match with a determined sex, you never know if it will succeed. I hate to sound negative or pessimistic, but I am trying to prepare myself for the possibility this could happen. The other reason was that I am sure the Husband does not want to carry a pretty pink bag, no matter how trendy and beautiful the fabric.

I spent hours at work searching through my favorite sites for the perfect fabric. No single fabric struck me as "the one". That's the thing about this jelly roll. Individually, the fabrics are fine. Very cute and retro, but nothing spectacular. But when you add them together, they are adorable and perfect.

The bag will be strips of 15 different fabrics stacked horizontally. This will leave enough fabric to make several bibs, burps cloths, lovie blankets and assorted pouches and binkie keepers. The purchase of a few charm packs (see below for explanation of jelly rolls and charm packs and all this other quilty stuff if you care) will give me a perfectly sized car seat quilt and a handy quilted changing mat that will roll up and stay that way with a cute scrunchy type elastic band at one end.

I have not started it yet because I have yet to order the charm packs and possible yardage of other fabric. I still need to do some planning to see what I need.

I will do the ordering soon, but the bag will have to wait until I finish the christmas quilt that is 85% complete for my MIL. That would get done a lot faster if I wasn't here on the computer and planning and prepping for a doll quilt for my co-worker's 4 year old daughter (in my defense, that is a good hand project for work. The big quilt is way to big and would only get dirty from dragging on the floor. I swear.)

Quilty stuff explanations:

Jelly rolls are 2.5" strips of fabric that are approximately 45" long (the width of the bolt of fabric). Depending on the fabric line and how many different designs are in that particular line, you will get one or two of each print, usually about 40 strips total. It is a great way to get a good selection of prints for a project without spending a fortune on big pieces.

Charm packs are 5" square pieces of fabric from a collection. Unlike most jelly rolls that I have seen that are always 40 pieces of fabric, charm packs vary depending on how many different designs are in the line. They vary from 25 to 40 different pieces and I have never seen a pack with more than one of each design. They are great for making simple but cute quilts with lots of color and variety.

Layer Cakes are just like charm packs except the squares are 10".

Introducing Pictures

2009-01-04T23:25:00.004-05:00

I have realized for a while that this blog must be very boring to look at. Not a picture on the thing. Of course, when you are trying to get pregnant, there are not too many pictures of the process you will feel comfortable posting for the WWW to see. Fertility treatment doesn't add too much in the way of options. Oh, I could always post pics of the negative preg tests or the vials of drugs sitting in the fridge, but those are not exciting now are they?

Well, the era of adoption offers a whole new outlook. There is baby stuff to be bought and cute baby items to be made (did I ever mention I am excessively crafty? I mean dangerously so, but I digress). Pictures of actual things that won't make you cringe or feel sorry for me.

The only problem is that until now, I couldn't figure out how to put a picture anywhere but at the beginning of a post. I know it can be done because I have seen others do it on the same blog host I use. I guess I could have asked one of them and I may well have to if my theory doesn't pan out, but I think I figured out the secret today while poking around my layout.

Here is a test run. I was trying to take a picture of one of my Christmas gifts from my friend M. James decided it was photo shoot time for him, but apparently didn't really care for the flash. If my theory is right you will soon be seeing a picture of my willing model. If not, you have already seen it at the top of this post and I am off to hunt down someone who can help me figure this stupid thing out.

Mother Daughter Day

2009-01-02T19:06:00.002-05:00

I spent a part of they day with my Mom today. First we went to Target to check out the color of the crib I have been eyeing online. Of course that led to a tour through the entire baby department, with me pointing out my current selections of things I plan on using. Granted, her last experience with raising a newborn was over 30 years ago, but some advice still holds true to this day.

Next it was over to Joann Fabrics to pick out fabric for a quilt I am making her for her birthday. We also spent a few minutes looking at baby patterns and I checked out the terry cloth. It is thicker than I thought and it should be easy and cheap to make a selection of hooded baby towels to solve my earlier dilemma.

Finally, we spent time going through pictures, looking for ones that would work for our profile. I came home with way more than we need and I have not even gone through what I have on hand or the Husband's childhood pics. My plan is to pick what I like and then have friends help me narrow it down.

On the way home I called the Husband's sister, K, and asked her to email me some recent pics of her hubby and my niece on a recent trip. I also asked her about doing a referral letter for us. She of course agreed and I will email her the instructions so she can get started.

Not too shabby on the accomplishment front considering I have only been awake for 7 hours so far today.

My Physical

2008-12-31T16:43:00.002-05:00

I had my adoption physical yesterday. It went well, but they are closed from today until Monday for the holidays so I was not able to get my TB test since it has to be read at 48 hours after the test. I am going back Monday afternoon and will go back on Wednesday afternoon to get it read. The Husband has his physical on Wednesday and has to go back Friday afternoon to get his test read.

I got my Moral Conduct thingy notarized before my appointment and the Husband will be getting his done in the next few days. We plan on turning in those forms along with our physicals when we turn in our application and payment for the home study.

I have to get with our references this weekend and get them started on their letters. I kind of feel bad that they have to take time to not only write the letter but get it notarized and all this formality. It doesn't seem fair that not only do we have to do so much to start our family, but now our family and friends have to jump through hoops too. Well enough whining.

I bought the first baby item since we started our adoption process. Sure we have a box full of baby stuff from previous pregnancies and things we picked up on sale during our many years of trying, but this is the first thing I bought specifically with this adoption in mind.

You would think it would be something really spectacular or significant. Maybe it would have a lot of sentimental value. Or maybe it would be something from the "have to have on hand in case of a stork drop" list. No, it was none of those things. It's a dishwasher basket for baby stuff. I bought the white one with orange accents. I like orange and it fits boy or girl.

I have spent hours browsing the baby aisles of Walmart and Target (Babies R Us is about 40 minutes away and my friend M and I are planning a trip together so that she can give me advice.) and I am having a really hard time finding things that are on my immediate needs list that are gender neutral and still something I would like. I know that I only want the very minimum in gender neutral stuff. I actually selected gender neutral for the gear like car seats, strollers, swings and play yards, but for the little things like blankets and pacifiers I want it to be girly or boyish. I don't mind a little green and yellow, but I don't want completely non-specific stuff.

I am hoping that our trip to Babies R Us will yield better results.

In the mean time, if anyone is out there reading this, I could really use some advice on a couple of things. First, where can I get baby towels that don't cost more than good quality adult towels. I don't care if it has a cute appliqued frog on it, I just want it to dry my baby and be small and thin enough to wrap the kid in but still be absorbent.

The second question is where can I find an old fashioned diaper pail that doesn't cost $50. I don't want the fancy type that wraps each individual diaper in a plastic bag. Just a plastic bucket with a tight fitting lid. And if it had a foot pedal then that's even better. I have considered a trash can, but don't know it that would work or not. I really don't want the smell to escape when the lid is closed. From looking online and in the stores at Walmart and Target I am having no luck. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

More updates soon.

Paperwork

2008-12-29T16:45:00.002-05:00

I am so excited to finally get started on the paperwork for the home study. I know I will probably change my tune by the time we are done, but right now it feels like we are accomplishing something to get us closer to our baby.

I called the agency to figure out how to get this process started. Turns out it is very easy. The Husband will be dropping off our application (already filled out and ready to go) along with our affidavits of good moral character and our fees for the application and the home study. They will mail our home study packet to us within two days so we can start filling out the questionnaire.

I asked a few questions about what to expect with the home study since the experiences I have read online have varied so widely. We are using their social worker and I was told to expect one visit where she will tour our house making sure it is suitable for living in and go over our answers to the questionnaire with us. She told us we do not need a nursery already set up or covers on the outlets and baby locks on the cabinets.

She also emailed me the forms for the Physician's report. I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow and will get mine filled out. I will make an appointment for DH once I talk to him about his schedule.

The final form she emailed was the personal reference form. I have already selected who will be doing these. We are required to have 5 references and one can be family. I plan to end up with a few extra since we both want to use our brothers and I have two friends who are very close and will be offended if they don't get to participate and the other does. Better to have too many people who are willing to help you out than too few.

Well, hopefully I will have more exciting updates soon.

Baby Fever

2008-12-20T22:25:00.004-05:00

I have it bad. I make lists of things I will need and have even browsed the baby section at the grocery store to get a fix. The only problem is that it is hard to plan when you don't know the sex of the baby or even when it will be born.

I keep worrying that we will get matched quickly and be totally unprepared. Luckily I have an amazing friend, M, who has volunteered to loan me her car seat so that we can have it on hand. That way we won't be doing the crazy rush to pick one up on the way to get the baby and can wait to order ours once the baby is born. I have already picked out the model I want, but it has to be ordered on the internet and it comes in several fabric choices and I don't want to commit to a choice and then a better one comes out.

She has also volunteered any thing else we need since her son is now two years old. We are planning to get together soon and spend the day looking through her baby stuff for things I can use. I still intend to buy our own stuff once we know what our situation will be, but this will be a load off my mind in the being prepared department. Now I just need to stock up on bottles and blankets and the other little things you have to have.

Since M and I have a little business making diaper bags, burp cloths, bibs and blankets, I just need to pick out a cute fabric and I can have that out of the way. I was planning on something unisex and cool anyway so the Husband doesn't feel silly carrying the bag.

I found a couple of basic scrapbooks that might work for our profile, but they are online so I can't really see them and be sure. I have checked my little tiny Jo-Ann store, but I think I should look at the Super Jo-Ann before ordering them online. They have a much larger selection and will probably have something that will be a good size and price. I don't want a big 12" x 12" book and I don't want it to look like a fancy, leather bound scrapbook either. I am picturing something maybe spiral bound with a space on the front for a picture ideally. I checked out the local scrapbook store and they have loads of beautiful scrapbook papers that are low key.

I have been researching the profile and considering what we were told at the seminar and have decided we are keeping the dear birth parent letter short and to the point and adding lots of small chunks of info next to the pictures. This seems to be the advice from people who have been through the process. From what we are hearing, potential birth moms like lots of pictures and they like the info scattered around in smaller portions rather than page after page of small text that must get overwhelming to read.

Other than picking up as much overtime at work as possible, that is all that we are up to right now.

Orientation Complete

2008-12-16T11:12:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was our orientation. There were 2 other couples and 3 individuals in the meeting. One of the individuals was a woman who stated that her husband was not able to make it. The other 2 may be adopting as single parents, but I am not sure.

One of the couples has a birth mother from out of state lined up. They will be going through the law firm side of the process and will have much less expense. Another person expressed an interest in adopting a sibling group and was looking for a toddler more than an infant. The rest seemed interested in newborn domestic, like the Husband and I.

One couple has used the agency a few years ago and were still completing their home study when they got word of a stork drop. They know they won't probably get that lucky this time, but are very excited anyway. Their story reminds me that I need to really get things together early in the process because you just never know what can happen.

The seminar was probably very informative to someone who has not researched adoption and the laws in their state, but I have been reading up on it like crazy, so while some of the info I had already found was explained in greater detail, I don't feel like I learned anything new and surprising. It does count for 3 hours of our 10 required adoption education hours, but the class actually lasted well over 4 hours.

We have decided to sign with the agency after the first of the year. We just want to get through the holidays right now. We would not start the home study before then anyway.

I did find out that there will be a form for the Doctor to fill out when we get our physicals. The Director told me I could call one of her staff members and she would probably give me the form early, but I think we will just wait until we sign up.

We also found out that we will need 5 copies of our profile. Since we only need this small amount, I will probably do them in actual scrapbooks. I have lots of free time at work and really, the cost of the supplies, many of which I already have, will probably be less than making color copies of a large profile. She told us to include lots of pictures and said that we can do one book and submit it to them and they will pass it around the staff and critique it for us. We will definitely be taking advantage of this as they would know better than anyone what birth mothers are looking for in a profile.

We also found out that they average 50-55 waiting families. They say that they make every effort to match a family and child within 1 year. If a family is approaching their one year mark, they start looking at the stork drop option for them. She said they get quite a few stork drops each year.

That is really all the details we learned right now. Until we sign I will just be working on the holidays and decorating and painting the house. I will also be gathering pictures and probably working on our profile and birth mother letter a little bit too. The agency sent samples and I am sure I can find a ton of guidance and ideas online.

Killing Time

2008-12-11T01:33:00.004-05:00

We are signed up for the Adoption Agency class that they offer to potential clients. The class is next week and I am hoping to have even more of our million and one questions answered. It is limited to only 4-5 couples, so we should have plenty of time to ask questions related to our particular circumstances.

I have spent the last week browsing the online baby sections of popular superstores and reading adoption blogs. I have also made list after list of things we will need to have on hand in case of a "baby born" situation as the pros like to call it.

I just spent 30 minutes researching pacifier clips. It's a sickness I tell you.

I will be so glad to get started on the home study. I am hesitant to schedule appointments for our physicals until I find out exactly what they expect from the Dr. Fingerprinting is one of the first things we will do once we find out how they want it done. Our documents are in order and ready for inspection. The house is a work in progress. We moved in just over a year ago, but we have been slow to decide on colors for the walls and this has held up everything else as a result. It is a brand new home and is definitely livable, just not as completely decorated as I would like.

I have been giving friends and family a heads up about potential help we will need from them in the form of recommendation letters and pictures for our profile. I need to get a new picture of the front of our house now that the landscaping has matured a little. Sounds like a good project for tomorrow.

The Husband just found out he will be starting a new job at the beginning of the year. It is a good move for him career wise in regards to stability and benefits. It will take away from his extreme flexibility in a way, but he will most likely be well past his six month probationary period and have lots of sick and vacation time banked by the time we need it, so no worries there.

My real concern is the fact that we both changed jobs within 4 months of (hopefully) being put on the waiting list and have moved twice in 2 years. It is easily explainable as we moved here from out of state and rented for the first year so that we could take our time finding the perfect house. Once we built the house, we had moved away from the area we originally lived and worked in, so we have both made career changes based on this fact. The area we now live and work in is a wonderful area to raise a family and has a great school system and a low crime rate. I just need to figure out how to explain this in our profile so we don't come across as unstable.

Well, more updates soon.

FMLA and Adoption

2008-12-02T14:39:00.002-05:00

Ever since we have been trying to get pregnant, I have always saved my sick and vacation time for when the baby was born. I have also always made sure I had an Aflac disability plan in place so that I would have that income available in case of bed rest or for after the baby was born. Adoption has put a snag in my plans.

I just started my new job in October. I accrue 8 hours paid vacation and 8 hours paid sick leave each month. I also have a personal holiday that I can take when needed, but I can't carry them over from the previous year. I called our HR department today just to make sure there was not some kind of adoption assistance offered. There is not, but I will qualify for FMLA. That means that I can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave after we adopt. I have to use my sick time first and then my vacation. After that, they will send an email to all employees asking for donations.

I am not sure how I feel about asking for donations. I have a co-worker who's daughter was born several months early and weighing just over 1 lb. I just received an email requesting donations for him and if I had anything to give I would, but being so new I don't have anything to offer. To me, that qualifies as an emergency. I don't think an adoption really qualifies.

I did the math, and it is going to take at least a couple of months to even get in the pool of qualified adoptive families. Who knows how long after that. I mean, we hope soon, but it could be a year or more easily. If it's a year from when I started with my new job, then I would have almost 5 weeks of leave saved between sick and vacation. I could safely take 4 weeks, leaving a buffer in case I or the baby get sick. The Husband could probably take 2. He works for our friend at it is just the two of them, so no set policy or plan for this kind of situation, but our friend is the kindest person I know, so I am sure he would give him all the time we needed. If worse came to worse, the Husband could pack the baby up and take her/him to work if he had to. I have no doubt my Mom would mind taking a week to spend with the new grandchild. Not to mention that she has been at her job for like 20 years and accrues crazy amounts of vacation time.

That puts us at 7 weeks. Not bad between the group of us.

I have other alternatives also. My Dad is retired, but he doesn't drive because of a heart condition. He is doing great with his heart, but because of an internal defib he doesn't feel comfortable endangering other drivers along with himself should it go off. I would not ask my Dad to babysit all the time, but he would be good in a pinch. I worry about the not driving but if it's a real emergency he would call 911 anyway and if if was semi important, my Mom works like 3 minutes away. The only drawback to that is that they live about 25 minutes away from where we live and I work. The husband would only go about 10 minutes out of his way to go there on his way to work though. There is also my Mother-in-law. They leave about 45 minutes away, but would help if needed. It just wouldn't be a good solution for permanent. My Grandparents would love to help, but my grandmother can't lift anything over 10 lbs and my grandfather broke his left arm and cannot lift with that arm. It would be too hard for them to watch an infant for an entire day.

I hope to find a nanny. With my schedule it would make more sense and be more cost effective. I work 12 hour shifts and only work 3 days one weeks and 4 days the next. On the week that I work 4 days, 2 of those days are on a weekend when the Husband is off. This means I would only need childcare for 5 days every 2 weeks. Daycare does not work with that kind of schedule.

My friend, M, has a nanny now that lives about 15 minutes away. She started out coming to M's house, but now she sometimes takes little M back to her house for the day so she can get stuff done. She is an awesome nanny, very devoted to little M. She acts like a grandmother. She also cleans M's house and does laundry when she is there. She is also very reasonable and works around our odd schedule. The only problem is that her husband has recently been having heart problems and she has had to tell M that she cannot watch little M a few times in the last couple of months. The occasional call out does not bother me, especially since she gave M plenty of notice. I could just use a back up plan person. The concern I have is that if his health continues to fail, she will not be able to care for both him and an infant. Of course she is not the only nanny in the world, but we are new to this area and don't know many people. I am putting out the word at work in case someone knows of someone.

Well, enough babbling for now.

And On To The Next Phase

2008-12-01T13:55:00.002-05:00

So we are not pregnant. I kinda new deep down inside, but waited for the proof before totally giving up hope.

We are sticking to our guns about not continuing with the fertility treatments. We are ready to move onto adoption.

So ready, in fact, that I spent hours researching agencies. I narrowed it down to six choices and made calls and grilled them about everything I could think of. That narrowed it down to two choices and when the packets started coming in, the choice was made.

Funny thing is that the first agency I called was the one we have selected. They were professional and friendly. Their stats and wait times are believable and their prices are right in line with what I had expected after my research. They were honest about potential roadblocks.

I called this morning and secured our spot for the December orientation. In about two weeks we will spend four hours asking every question we can think of and soaking up all the information they can give us.

I am prepping for the homestudy now. I have emergency phone number lists to laminate and post by the phone, birth certificates and marriage licenses to pull, Doctors appointments for physicals to schedule and so much more.

We also need to fill out our packet and start thinking about our profile. So much research.

We are so excited to think that we could be parents soon. I promise to do better about updates. At least now I will have things to say.

Now off to figure out how to change the little description thingy in my title bar.

Nothing new here

2008-11-10T12:15:00.002-05:00

Just an update to state there is nothing to update. I have been having a kind of crampy feeling on the right side that I am thinking is a cyst on my right ovary. Nothing new and to be expected with the meds I took for this cycle.

It's still 3 more days before I can test. I am aiming for Thursday because I am confident the Ovidrel will be out of my system and if I am knocked up it should show on a test by then.

I have avoided buying the tests because if I have them in the house I will pee on them. My theory is that if I see a positive then I will assume it's the Ovidrel talking and if I see a negative I will assume it's just too early, so why waste the tests and get myself all crazy over it.

I am pretty proud of myself and how calmly I have been waiting. I seem to have lost that really confident feeling I had right after the IUI. I realize that this is still a long shot and not a guarantee by any means.

I have also felt relief every time I remind myself that this is the last cycle of meds and procedures. Adoption has become a welcome thought to me. The Husband also seems more ready to move on. I am not researching anything right now because I don't want to jinx the chance we have, but I have made it well known to all of our family and friends that these are our intentions.

So to sum it all up, this will either become a pregnancy blog or an adoption blog in the next week or so. Either way, wish us luck.

The Procedure

2008-11-04T13:56:00.003-05:00

I was amazed at how calm I was leading up to the actual IUI. Normally I worry and obsess over every little medical thing, but I was relaxed and confident.

Since we live so far from the OB/GYN office, we had to decide when to "collect". It finally occurred to me that there was a men's restroom in the main lobby of the woman's center where my Dr's office is. Since we needed to be there early and since it was a woman's center, I was confident that there would not be a huge crowd for the men's room and the Husband would have privacy to do his thing. He wore cargo pants and tucked the little specimen cup into the side pocket and I waited in the car until he came out and bagged the "collection" in the paper lunch bag we brought just for the occasion.

I was told that someone would be in the office by 7:30 am, but when I got to the door it was locked. I could see lights on in the reception area so I knocked and Little Bo Peep (did I mention that it was Halloween?) came to the door and whisked the Husband's little swimmers away to be washed and spun. I questioned the fact that they wrote nothing on the label of his specimen cup to mark them as ours, but they assured me that we were the only ones there with sperm for the day and it would be fine.

We had breakfast and walked through Target until it was time for the procedure. When I told the receptionist that I was going to run to the restroom, she told me to hold it and to drink more if I could since a full bladder was better. I wish someone had mentioned this sooner.

Within 15 minutes of my second arrival, I was taken back to a room by a pregnant nun. I was told to strip from the waist down and sit on the funky reclining table with the paper sheet over my naked parts. I usually am left in these freezing cold rooms forever, but I only waited about 5 minutes before Dr. Wonderful (Yay!) came in with her sexy vampire assistant and got down to business.

I put my feet in the stirrups and scooted down to the edge of the table. The actual procedure took about 2 minutes from speculum to done. I felt a slight cramping sensation when she inserted the long, skinny tube thingy, but no actual pain or even discomfort.

The vampire quickly tilted my table back until I almost slid off head first and then adjusted the head part back up until I felt like I was sitting in a big baby carrier. Dr. Wonderful asked if I was cold and then told me that she wanted me to stay like this for 20-30 minutes and then a nurse would come back and let me know when I could get up and get dressed.

I didn't wear a watch and there were no clocks in the room, so I have no idea how long I actually stayed there, but it felt longer than 30 minutes. Longer is better I guess. I had brought a book to read, but opted to just lay there and concentrate on getting pregnant.

Finally the nurse came back and I cleaned up and got dressed. I was very surprised at how much liquid there was. When I told the Husband, he asked if I was worried that everything got to where it needed to be. I told him that Dr. Wonderful had mentioned the wet factor and that I am sure it was normal, but I still worried until I came home and researched it.

When I was cleaning up I noticed a slight hint of pink and when I got home it was a very light shade of dark pink, like old blood. Just the slightest bit and no cramping at this point. I went back to bed since I had to work that night and when I woke up I felt fine. About 9 pm that night, 12 hours after the IUI, I felt a cramping feeling in my right ovary area and back. I am wondering if it was ovulation. I drank some water and the feeling went away. It lasted about 1 hour total time. The next morning I had slight cramping in the same area, but milder and it only lasted for about 15 minutes. I have felt completely normal since then.

Dr. Wonderful said that I can test 2 weeks from the day of the IUI. Anything before that could read false positive I guess. I am trying to be cautiously optimistic, but I have a good feeling about this cycle. We will know soon enough I guess.

Update on the shot

2008-11-03T10:17:00.003-05:00

Sorry about leaving anyone hanging, but these last several days have been insane for us because of a huge craft sale a good friend and I were doing. That is over and I am here to fill in all the details on our little adventure.

I am scared of needles. I have gotten better (don't you kind of have to when you are undergoing fertility testing and treatment? It's really inconvenient to panic and faint that often.), but I still am very nervous about them and just try not to think about it too much when I need a shot or blood drawn. That was my plan for this Ovidrel shot and it worked until about 5 hours before the scheduled 9 pm torture.

I read the instructions several times and decided that 8 pm would be plenty of time for the meds to get to room temp. At about 8:50 pm I handed the Husband the instructions and went to the first aid kit to pull out gauze pads and alcohol swabs. By 9 pm on the dot the Husband was on his knees, pinching by belly fat and ready to jab the needle in. This is when the real panic set in. I wasn't sure if I was going to hyperventilate or pass out first. I was holding onto the bathroom counter for support and was afraid to open my eyes for fear of seeing the needle jamming into my stomach in the mirror.

Turns out I didn't feel a thing. He told me the needle was already in and the only time I might have felt a slight sting was for a fraction of a second when he started pushing the plunger. He did the whole professional hold the gauze pad over and remove the needle and I held it there for a few minutes, but when I took it away I couldn't even see where the needle had punctured me or feel where it was either. I did develop a bruise about the size of a quarter in the spot, but it is not sore at all.

Later that night I crawled into bed and started thinking that I really should have read the info that came with the meds to know what side effects to look for (translation: worry about). Good thing I did the shot before reading the side effects. I told the Husband that I was even more resolved that if this cycle doesn't work then we move on to adoption. The thought of OHSS is enough to make me light headed, and the risk for cancer, minute as it might be, is not something I am willing to risk time and time again.

Tomorrow I will give you all the crazy details of the actual IUI procedure. I had a hard time finding really good details from people who have experienced IUI when I did a search, so I want to give a really detailed blow by blow of my experience so maybe it will help someone frantically googling IUI to know what to expect.

Getting ready for our first IUI

2008-10-29T17:16:00.003-04:00

Long time no update. Well, after the depressing cancelled cycle a few months ago, I did a month of BC pills. I used to love my BC pills. Until I went on them I always had really irregular cycles, sometimes 6 weeks long, and horrible cramping when my period actually showed up. Once we decided to start trying and I went off the pill I was worried my cycle would revert back to unpredictable, but amazingly it has stayed at a rather consistent 28-29 days with the rare exception.

In my fond recollections of the pill, I forgot the miserable nausea that accompanied that first month of adjusting. I survived it and was rewarded with a much lighter period and cramps so mild I never even needed Tylenol. Too bad I am over 35 and would rather not stroke out or I would be back on the pill so fast (after having a baby of course) that your head would spin.

I did the Femara for cycle days 5-9 and went in yesterday for my day 12 ultrasound. I had mentally prepped myself for failure so when the wonderful tech (no Dr. McBitch thankyouverymuch) pointed out a few good prospects on my right ovary, I was just a little excited. Of course my underachieving left ovary couldn't contribute, but what can you do.

Both Dr's were in surgery so I was told they would review my scan and have a nurse call me either later that day or the next morning with directions for the next steps. I had been gone from the office for about 30 minutes when Dr. McBitch called and told me that I had two great follicles at 17mm and 18mm and also a giant follicle ready to go at any time that measured 25mm. She suggested timed intercourse for that night and then the Husband was cut off until his "donation" on Friday morning at 8 am. Once we drop that off, we can have breakfast and be back at 9 am for the procedure. He gets to jam a needle in my stomach for the Ovidrel tonight at 9 pm.

They forgot to give me a specimen cup so I have to go to the local lab and swindle them out of one per the Dr's instructions. We live close to an hour away from the office so I need to consult with the Husband and see if he would rather chance an old sample by doing his part at home or an arrest for indecent exposure by finding a secluded parking lot closer to the office. The first time he went through this for testing purposes, we also lived far from the lab and were lucky to be the only ones on an empty level of a parking garage. This office has no parking garage so wish us luck.

I guess I will report back on how the injection went if I don't die from the mere thought of him stabbing me with the needle. I just took the package out of the fridge where it has been sitting since the last cancelled cycle and took a look at the needle. It is sealed up in it's little package and I didn't want to break it open yet, but judging by the cap it is not as big as I had imagined it to be. Still, I get a little light headed just thinking about it.

Wish us luck.

Lots of stuff, but nothing good

2008-09-25T17:19:00.003-04:00

Well, we found out while on vaca that I am not pregnant. We called the Doctor's office and ordered the injectibles (ovidrel) and took the femara and patiently waited for our 12 day scan for our first insemination cycle.

The scan sucked. Actually, I guess it was actually my ovaries that suck. Lazy, worthless ovaries. The appointment sucked on so many levels it's not even funny.

It started out bad with no parking anywhere near the office. I ended up parking really far away in staff parking for the actual hospital and was a little late for the appointment. Turned out that was fine as I ended up waiting another 45 minutes anyways. The waiting room was so packed that I could barely find a seat. Everyone was pregnant or holding newborns.

When I was finally called back into the exam room I spent another 20 minutes naked from the waist down, covered in a paper sheet and freezing. When the Doctor finally graced me with her presence, it turned out not to be my beloved Dr. Wonderful, as we shall now refer to her, but instead her evil partner, Dr. McBitch.

Now, keep in mind I have never met Dr. McBitch. Never even layed eyes on her, so when her first words to me where "You need to get pregnant. You are making me look bad.", I was torn about how to reply to this. My first instinct was to come back with "Yep, you caught me. I spent the last 10 years pretending to attempt a successful pregnancy, but secretly I have been sabotaging myself just to screw up your friggen stats." In the end I decided to keep my mouth shut since I was aware that this is the same woman who would soon be wielding the ultrasound wand and aiming for my difficult to locate left ovary.

She confirmed that my uterus still exists (the way things go for me, it's always safe to just check) and she went for the left ovary first. There were potentials, but not of any size to write home about. It's cool, I thought, my right ovary is really my favorite anyway. Turns out that my right ovary stabbed me in the back too. Nothing of any value on either side. Apparently, I had a remaining follicle (forgive me if this is wrong, but she threw a lot of stuff at me at one time and I was too busy trying not to cry like a big baby to write it down) on my left ovary that likely prevented my ovaries from doing their one and only job and making me some usable eggs.

Our course of action was/is to finish this cycle and start birth control pills for the next cycle. This should clear up the issues and we will try an insemination cycle again the following month. Today is day 2 of my BCP cycle and my little pre-filled syringe of Ovidrel is ready and waiting in the fridge.

At first I was crushed. The way she phrased things was that we had no hope of insemination working and we would have to step up our game to injectibles to even have a chance. That is not an option for us, as injectibles are the primary cause of high order multiples and we are not really all that interested in having a litter of children. After a bit of clarification, she offered a ray of hope by stating that she really felt confident about this plan working for us, since she was sure that the Femara was working.

I felt better for about 10 seconds before she chided me for tearing up and told me that I had no reason to cry and that lots of women were in far worse situations that me. That is true, but does that mean I can't indulge in a bit of self pity once in a while. That comment stung, but I got past that as soon as the blinding rage kicked in from her next statements. Apparently she has two healthy young boys, but had to use in vitro for her first pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage. I explained that I had also suffered pregnancy loss, but according to the good doctor, mine doesn't count as much as hers since she spent $50,000 on her failed pregnancy. It's times like these that I really wish someone had explained the whole monetary value to grief policy to me. I mean, I felt so silly whining about my own to dead babies when hers was obviously more important because it was expensive.

To my credit, my head did not explode and I did not assault her with the handiest blunt object. I love my real doctor way to much to risk a restraining order. The Husband and I discussed it and I will be very clear in future appointment making sessions to stress that I will only see Dr. Wonderful. And just to be on the safe side, I will leave the handgun at home for all OB/Gyn appointments from now on.

Sorry it's been so long

2008-08-19T14:48:00.003-04:00

But there is just not much to post right now. We did another Femara cycle and today is day 19. We leave for vacation this friday and I should know if I am knocked up or not by the time we get back. Yes, I am packing pregnancy tests in my suitcase.

I actually had a really good month with the Femara. No side effects at all.

Of course several days after the drug was totally out of my system I started feeling that achey feeling I have had several times with the Rx. Turned out to be some weird bug. I was fine that morning, started feeling horrible after a few hours at work. Left early with a fever, chills and the feeling that I had been hit by a semi.

I spent the rest of the day sleeping with the exception of a small break to whine until the Husband cooked me chicken and dumplings. It was pretty good chicken and dumplings too, but it would have been better if he didn't have to wake me up every step of the process to ask what to do next.

My fever broke around 3:30 the next morning and I have been fine since.

We are waiting for the rain and winds from the Hurricane/Tropical Storm hitting the area. We don't expect too much from it, but it's best to be prepared.

All in all it has been a pretty boring month and I am looking forward to vacation and coming back here with good news.

Why won't they just return the call?

2008-08-05T20:53:00.002-04:00

Okay, so I'm not pregnant and I need to refill my Femara rx. I started my cycle on Friday and was busy so I didn't get a chance to call the Dr's office to ask them to call it in to my pharmacy. Shouldn't be a problem since I don't need to start taking it until Tuesday night.

I call them first thing Monday morning. I leave a very detailed message about who I am and what I need and that I need it soon. They don't call back. So I call again Tuesday morning. I tell the receptionist my issue. I always leave messages and they never call back. She transfers me to another person's voicemail. This one has a message promising a call back by the end of the day. At 4:43 P.M. I place another call stating that I need the meds now and I know they are getting ready to close. After another 10 minutes on hold, I finally get a nurse who promises to call it in. I really could have saved myself a lot of trouble and just called in 5 minutes before they closed.

All I need to do is blog

2008-08-01T12:56:00.003-04:00

Apparently, all I need to do is blog to get my next cycle to start. Guess I need to call the Dr's Office today to get a refill on my Femara. I used my last refill last month.

I am trying really hard to not get too worked up or discouraged, but it is getting harder and harder.

The son and girlfriend of a friend of a friend are pregnant. Three months so far. He is 19 and in college, but taking a break to work off some debt . The girl is 18 and works part time at a decent job considering she is young and only a high school graduate. They are living with his mother (the friend of my friend) because the girl's family life if highly unstable (Mom's in jail for a domestic between her and her pregnant daughter) and the friend of my friend ( we will call her Marsha) feels that the only reason the girl (who shall now be known as Suzy) is having the baby is because she thinks it ensures her of a place to live with the boyfriend (not known as Rob)and Marsha.

Marsha sat down with Bob and Suzy and explained to them that this was their decision, but the needed to understand that she would not be supporting their new family and that they needed to figure out how they were going to make this work. Bob seems to really not care what happens, but Suzy is caught up in the baby excitement and convinced it will all work out.

Marsha mentioned adoption to them and they did not shoot the idea down, but they didn't jump at it either. Suzy is taking the lead and all she has on her mind is how cool it will be to dress the baby up and play house. Marsha is convinced that they will see the truth soon enough and maybe meet with the Husband and I to discuss the option of us adopting the baby. We are happy to involve them in the baby's life to a certain extent. Lots of pictures and updates, invitations to birthday parties and maybe a few visits a year.

Who knows if they will decide to consider adoption and if so, if they would even consider us. I can't help but be a little excited thinking about it. We never intended to pursue private adoption. The whole thought is a bit scary and uncertain, but so is life and if something falls into our laps, then who are we to dismiss the possibility.

The baby is due in January. There is still plenty of time for all kinds of things to happen. I will post as we hear more.

Will this cycle never end?!?

2008-07-31T09:04:00.004-04:00

Okay, today is day 32 of this cycle. You would consider the fact that I might be pregnant, but not so according to the pregnancy test, carefully taken with first morning urine yesterday. I have the occasional feeling of pre-periodness, but not a spot or real cramp.

I suppose it could be from re-starting the Femara after a 2 cycle break. It could also be the stress from the loss of my much loved cat, Sam. It's been a little over a week since we came home from work to find that he had passed away peacefully in his sleep in his favorite chair. While I am glad that his end was so peaceful and quiet, I am also devastated over his loss and I am sure this could be tweaking my cycle.

I won't panic until Monday. That's the plan at least.

We had previously decided that if this cycle didn't work that the next cycle would be in vitro, but the Husband thinks he deserves on more shot at getting the job done himself. He is sure that he can do it if he just gets one more chance. Honestly, I am a little afraid to jam that needle into my stomach so if he needs another month to move on, then so be it.

The Wii Fit is everything we had hoped it would be. We are both hopelessly addicted to it. The Husband was all "you shouldn't weigh yourself everyday" at first, but now he is as insane as I am about it. We actually let our take out food sit around and get cold the other night so that we could test before we ate. And you don't have to actually see your weight ever if you don't want to (and I really, really don't, but I hit it once by accident). It will tell you your BMI and then will tell you how much you lost or gained in pounds. Sometimes it will only say you lost or gained a little, but if you set goals it will tell you how much weight you need to loose (or gain I suppose if you don't live in this house) and you can track actual weight loss by remembering that number from day to day. We are averaging about .3 lbs lost per day.

The games and training are insanely fun. We have both mastered several of them and new stuff keeps coming available every time we play. I actually went on a run yesterday and it was not complete torture. Trying to stay behind the other Mii kept me focused on not going too fast and I didn't have time to think about how much I hate to jog. The yoga is fun, but I think I really need the yoga mat to fully enjoy it. I do have to say it is super cute watching the Husband to yoga. He is not the type at all, but he tries so hard and he's not bad at it either.

So far I have set a goal of loosing 2.5 lbs in 2 weeks and succeeded and have now set another goal of 4 lbs in 2 weeks and am working on that. I honestly think the Wii Fit is keeping me on track to eating better. Both the Husband and I have caught ourselves rethinking an eating choice because we are afraid of what the Wii will say to us. It's really mean. Also, seeing my little Mii get all chubby was hard to watch.

I will keep you posted on my Wii Fit progress and if I ever start a new cycle. I keep thinking that if I am not pregnant that I am going to loose a ton of weight after this cycle finally starts. Horrible I know, but ya gotta look at the bright side sometimes.

About that time

2008-07-12T11:10:00.003-04:00

I am finally back from being out of town for work and the timing is perfect. The femara has been taken and is out of my system and it's time for the fun part.

The femara wasn't so bad this month. A little queasy and achy on day 3, but pretty good other than that.

Not much else to say really. Hopefully I will be back in a few weeks with good news. I'm trying not to obsess too much and get myself all stressed. I plan on staying hydrated and eating healthy and hoping for the best.

This is our last timed intercourse cycle. We have decided that if it doesn't happen this month we are moving on to insemination. The cycle is much less costly than we expected and my fear of jamming a needle into my abdomen is overwhelmed by my desire to have a child, so there. We will do what we need to do.

More updates as they come.

Right on time

2008-07-01T19:45:00.002-04:00

Good news and bad news. Bad is that I am definitely not pregnant this month. Good is that my cycle is back on track and we are set to start another Femara round this month.

The cramps are horrible this month. So bad that I had to leave work early and spent the day sleeping on the couch, waking only to whine for the Husband to heat my rice bag in the microwave.

Not much else to say right now. I will keep you all filled in on all the exciting Femara side effects.

Whoo-Hoo!!

2008-06-28T16:53:00.003-04:00

Another good Pap. We are now back on the trying horse, or at least we will be when I start my next cycle. It feels like it could be any day now.

I was starting to think I might be pregnant this month. My breasts have been very sore. At first I chalked it up to the particularly rough breast exam from the evil substitute GYN, but she didn't leave actual bruises, so that can't be it. I have also been having headaches (not something I have problems with very often) in the evenings, and last night I was nauseous. I had some spotting (very light and brown as in old blood) the other day, but nothing since. I could be but I kind of doubt it because I have been having that "it's coming any minute" feeling on and off all day. We shall see. I'm just glad it's not another 20 day cycle.

The Husband and I have decided to do another Femara cycle and then move onto insemination if we don't get lucky this time. Not much to post until then.

In Limbo

2008-06-23T12:18:00.002-04:00

Haven't posted much lately because there is not much to post. I woke up the day of my scheduled Pap to my period. On cycle day 20 no less. After a minor freak out with the Husband on the phone, I called my OB/GYN and spoke with a nurse who reassured me that the early arrival was probably due to the hormone fluctuations of the previous Femara cycles. I rescheduled with the back up GYN and that appointment was last Tuesday.

It was pretty uneventful. Everything is normal so far and the Pap results should be in soon. Assuming my cycle is somewhat normal this month, I should have the results in time to start Femara next cycle.

I have decided that the backup GYN is evil and I will not be using her again. If I can't get in with my regular, then I will just need to find another backup. Of course, now that I know there will be a 4 month waiting period for routine appointments not relating to expensive procedures not covered by insurance, I can just schedule the annual well in advance and hope that should it be an actual problem, she could fit me in sometime in the current calender year.

More updates as they come.

Time Out

2008-05-29T22:13:00.002-04:00

As I mentioned before, this month is a time out. I need my annual exam and due to my past history, I would rather wait for the all clear on my Pap before the next round of trying.

I finally got around to calling the Dr. to schedule the exam. Guess when her next available annual exam appointment is. October 1st. Four freakin months away. Are you kidding me. I can get an appointment with her next day for any fertility stuff, but for routine maintenance I need a four month lead time. How does that make sense?

They did ask if I wanted to go on the wait list. Then they informed me that the waiting list was very long. That totally makes it better.

I ended up pulling out the old insurance card and finding a Gyn about 2 miles down the road who was able to get me in within the week. They told me that it was a 5-8 day wait for pap results, so I should be a go for next cycle if all goes well.

I know the odds are good that it will be fine, but I can't help but indulge myself in a little worry. Not so much about the procedure to deal with it. The LEEP was a piece of cake considering my nightmare fantasies that I played in my mind. The fear is more of delaying again and also of further damage to my cervix. I got off pretty lucky last time with minimal damage. I don't want a new set of issues to deal with.

I also just want it to go away forever. The potential will always loom over me. I know that the odds are good that it will never be a problem again, but it is always there, in the back of my mind.

I have a plan though. And the plan is good because it will benefit me on so many levels. I am going healthy. Only water and the occasional tea. Eating better. More veggies and less junk. And more exercise. The stronger my body, the better chance of it keeping the HPV squashed down. And I will look and feel better. These are things I should already be doing, but let's face it, I'm lazy. I'm lazy but not stupid and I don't need another scare to make me do the things I should be doing. The change starts now. Wish me luck.

I'm Not

2008-05-19T16:10:00.003-04:00

Not pregnant that is. I once again started on day 29. I didn't bother testing this month because I was fairly sure it was not going to be positive. I had that pre-period feeling for over a week before I started.

I have made a decision to take a month off of the meds and get my annual Pap done. My last was in June of last year and with my history I would rather not wait. It takes a few weeks to get the results back, so I will hopefully have a clear Pap result and be ready to start the next cycle with renewed hope and a clean bill of health.

I will also be talking to my OB/GYN about the insemination process at that appointment. I am willing to try a few rounds of Insemination mixed with few more rounds of timed intercourse and then if no luck we will start the adoption process.

I have been doing a lot of reading about adoptions in our State and after discussion, the best option appears to be through an agency. Barring the unlikely event that a pregnant woman approaches me on the street and offers me her healthy newborn, this is the best choice for us.

The foster system, while much cheaper and admirable, is just too risky. I personally can't take the pain of becoming attached to a child only to have to return it back to the parent(s) who most likely don't deserve it. I know that is a judgemental opinion, but I have seen things in my line of work (law enforcement) that have jaded me to that particular system. I disagree with the notion that the biological parents have any rights to their child once they abuse or neglect them. Sure, they could turn out to be the best parents in the world, but what if they don't? Who's rights are more important? The adult who can't or won't get their lives together and take care of the children they create, or the children who didn't ask to be born into horrible circumstances?

Rant over. Back to adoption. As most people know, you don't just write a check and get a healthy newborn handed over right away. There are background checks to be done and home visits to pass. Not to mention the mountains of paperwork. And once you complete that, you are at the mercy of the Birth Mothers to choose you to be the family for their child. The wait is often long and with the requirements that the Husband and I have, we know that we will probably have one of the longer waits. We want a newborn that is healthy and Caucasian. We know that may sound picky and selfish, but we feel that we need to be very upfront with everyone, ourselves included, about what we expect.

Newborn because we want to bond with our child from the first possible moment. We want to be a part of every moment of their lives. We also want to avoid any emotional issues caused by abusive or neglectful parents, or attachment issues seen in children in group homes in many foreign adoptions. We realize that we cannot be guaranteed a perfect child, but we will do what we have to do to increase our odds.

By healthy we mean both physically and mentally, as much as can be guaranteed. We will only consider birth mothers who have proven that they have not put the child at risk by using drugs or alcohol while pregnant. We are not talking about a couple of beers or joints before they realized they were pregnant, but someone who continues to risk the child by doing so after they are aware of the circumstances.

Caucasian because we are, and while we intend to be open with our child from day one, we don't feel that we should be subjected to explaining the details of our child's birth to every stranger at the store who notices that we don't match perfectly. This should not be a problem, but it is. We chose not to subject ourselves or our child to that.

These are some of our thoughts on adoption. They may prove to be unpopular and I may just get my first comments from someone who is not Future Mommy, but these are our reasons and we stand by them.

Still here, still not pregnant..or am I?

2008-05-06T18:54:00.005-04:00

I didn't realize how long it has been since I have posted. I made it to day 34 before I started. I stopped testing after the last post because I had that pre-period feeling. Why waste tests when you just know.

My OB upped the dosage of Femara to double the original and I braced myself for double the side effects. I still had the day of misery with achy muscles and nausea, but the rest of the month went much smoother. Occasional nausea that only lasted a few minutes, but I felt great otherwise. I tested on day 27 with negative results and started on day 29. I was hopeful, but not too much. I really feel that I O'd on time (my perfect 28 day cycle backs up my feeling on that subject), but it was not meant to be.

I called the Dr's office and decided to do another cycle with timed intercourse. I also got some good news. When we were going to the RE in Georgia, we were told that a cycle of insemination would run about $500. A friend of my Mother recently told her that the going rate was closer to $1,500. Wow! That's a big difference. That new figure was the basis for our decision to continue to try on our own for a few more months. While on the line with the nurse, I found out that the actual cost of insemination through my OB is only around $250. We will have to pay for the Ultrasounds since they are coded for infertility treatment and my insurance will have nothing to do with that service code, but that is much better than the $1,500 we were told to expect. I really need to learn to not trust people. I would probably be doing an insemination cycle this month if I had the correct info. We will do one next month if necessary, but hopefully we won't need to .

I am currently on day 18. No symptoms, but I had none this early for the other pregnancies either.

We have come to the conclusion that need be, we would be willing to try a cycle or two of insemination and if that failed, we would go with adoption (more on that in another post). For the cost of one round of IVF we could guarantee a healthy newborn through adoption, even if the wait is longer than we would like.

Still waiting

2008-03-16T22:14:00.003-04:00

Today is day 28. I still have not started. I am pretty sure I am not pregnant, but there is still a little tiny ray of hope.

On Thursday I was told by my lovely co-workers/friends, Mary and Tiffany, that I was glowing. They are convinced I am pregnant. I was probably just sweaty from hauling heavy boxes of candles in the pathetic excuse for winter we have had in Orlando this year.

I told them that it was still way too early to know. I am sure I could take a pricey EPT and get a fairly accurate answer, but I am more of a Dollar Tree test kind of gal.

I don't have my hopes up too high, so I haven't been thinking about it too much. Only like 539 times an hour.

They managed to convince me to test on Saturday at work if no period by then. What the heck. Sure, it will only be day 27 and I probably only ovulated about a week ago, but it's only a dollar and it shuts them up.

Problem was that I told Kim (another co-worker/friend) about the plan on Friday at work and she came back from her break with 2 tests from Dollar Tree.

I grabbed a plastic cup and my cell phone to time the test and locked myself in the bathroom. Three long minutes later I got negative results. I wasn't upset. I had expected it. Even if I was pregnant, it was still only day 26 and it probably wouldn't show up. No big deal.

When I checked my voice mail on the way home there was a message from my Doctor telling me that my progesterone was wonderful on the day 22 test. She went over the plan we had discussed before, but she mentioned trying insemination next month. I was under the impression we were going to try a double dose of Femara and timed intercourse for a few more months. I need to call her tomorrow to clarify the plan. Good news is the Femara seemed to do the job, just not as well as we had hoped. The higher dosage should correct that.

Saturday morning I had some light, pre-period type cramps. They only lasted for a few minutes and no more the rest of the day or today. Today is day 28 and not a spot in sight. In fact, the only spotting I had this month was a tiny little pink bit on day 23 and another bit of dark red, older blood in the mucus on day 24. Implantation spotting maybe? I had that with my first pregnancy.

Today I told the Husband that I would take the other test before I go to work on Monday evening if no period by then. Then I got myself all curious while talking to my Mom this evening and took the other test as soon as I hung up. Negative again.

I was not upset or shocked. I am trying the whole "no stress" approach. Besides, it is only the first month and I really didn't expect to get that lucky.

Of course the Husband managed to get my hopes up again by mentioning that I probably ovulated later than day 14 and it might still be too early to test. I figure I can hold out another 2 days with no period before I am going to need to pee on something.

Updates as they come.

Ultrasound Update

2008-03-04T12:02:00.002-05:00

I had an ultrasound done on Friday (day 12) to see how well my ovaries responded to the Femara. Not so great actually.

I had follicles, just not as many as we hoped for and most were underachievers. I did have 1 decent size follicle on each ovary.

There is hope. My Dr. said she would not tell me it couldn't happen since she just had a patient in the exact same situation who she told it was not going to happen and it did. We are doing timed intercourse for the next week or so. I go in on cycle day 21 to have some more blood work. They are checking the progesterone to see how well I ovulated. I should know more then.

If it doesn't work this month then we will double to the dosage of Femara for next month and try again. If this doesn't work then we might need to look into insemination with a trigger shot. If that doesn't work after 3 tries then she will want to do a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. I really don't think it will get that far. I ovulate on my own and have gotten pregnant twice before. I can do that part with relative ease. I just really need help staying pregnant once I get that way.

More updates as they come.

Fun with Femara

2008-02-27T09:23:00.003-05:00

Last night was my last dose of Femara for this cycle. I took the 2.5 mg pill each night at bedtime for 5 nights (cycle days 5-9) starting on Friday.

The reason the Dr. decided to go with Femara rather than the previously discussed Clomid is that Femara has less side effects and is out of your system within 48 hours. Clomid can hang around for weeks. That was a positive, but I was a bit freaked out to learn that Femara is actually used to treat breast cancer in post-menopausal women. The little informational sheet from the pharmacy warned about taking this drug if you are pregnant or intend to become pregnant. I had done my research earlier in the day, but the Husband did not read anything until Saturday morning. I got an early morning wake up from him wanting to be sure I had been given the correct drug.

As far as side effects, I have to admit it was not too bad. Possibly because I was expecting to be hit with it all. Early Saturday morning, about an hour after I took the pill, I woke up and thought I felt dizzy. I went back to sleep and when I woke up a few hours later I no longer felt dizzy, but I did feel a little nauseous. The nausea was probably real, but I think I might have imagined the dizzy part.

Saturday and Sunday felt normal. I do believe that I did get the loss of appetite bit, but not too severely and frankly, I kind of liked that part.

Monday I woke up about 3 am with a stomach ache. It was gone before I got up for the day, but I was fairly nauseous all day and very achy.

Tuesday was normal and now it is Wednesday, the day after my last dose.

I am scheduled for a scan on Friday morning. I am hoping the results are good, because I really don't feel any different. I have not felt anything going on in the pelvic area. I have read several stories of women who were doubled over in pain because their ovaries had produced so many follicles. I don't feel any different than normal. Maybe my ovaries are just naturally tough. I am fairly sure I have a very low tolerance for pain, so that can't be it, but maybe those women were just imagining the pain.

Well, I will know soon enough if it worked for me. More updates as they come.

Lots of news, some of it is even good

2008-02-16T17:12:00.004-05:00

I got the results of my blood work back and everything is normal. They did put me back on Metformin once a day, to be upgraded to twice a day if I do well with it. My progesterone levels were low, but that is normal at cycle day 3.

Good news that I am mostly normal, but bad that we still have no explanation for the mid cycle breakthrough bleeding. I still think that my mid cycle progesterone levels are low, but that's just a theory and is not really a problem since the Clomid will resolve that problem anyway.

I expressed my concern about the bleeding to the nurse who called with my results. She said she would speak with the Doctor and call me back. She called the next day to say that the Doctor was not at all concerned that the bleeding was related to my past cervical issues. She did order an ultrasound of my uterus and ovaries to check my lining thickness and make sure everything was normal. This set us back another month, but I just need to be sure that everything is good to go before we proceed.

I had the ultrasound Monday afternoon. I had to drink 36 oz of water an hour prior to my appointment. I have done this before, when about 5 weeks pregnant, and remember forcing the Husband to stop at every Gas Station we passed so I could pee. I was really hoping that it was the pregnancy hormones that made me so miserable last time and that it would be less traumatic this time. Wrong. Very, very wrong.

I have never been to this office from my house. Based on a friend's estimate, I planned on a 20-30 minute drive. I had to be there at 3:30 to register for my 4:00 appointment. I left my house at 2:50. I started drinking right at 3:00 and finished by 3:30. At this point I was still no where near the office. Apparently my friend was the only car on the road when she timed this trip. To make matters worse, once I got there I had no idea exactly where I was going. This would normally not be a problem, but by this time I was screaming at other motorists and cursing the Florida Dept of Transportation for the poor road conditions that caused bladder torturing jarring.

I made a command decision to go into the Women's center (attached to the main hospital and the home of my OB/GYN office) to find a bathroom and pee (just a little, I swear) and get directions to the radiology department. In my agony, I rushed right past the restroom, and busted into the Mammogram area. I was practically dancing as I asked for directions to the nearest restroom and radiology. First she slowly typed in my name and told me that I needed to go next door. Then she questioned if I was allowed to use the restroom. I informed her that it was not negotiable and she pointed to the restroom that I had run past in my hurry to get directions.

After a quick tinkle, I headed over to the main building and was given directions to the registration desk. I quickly signed in with the volunteer and then told her I was going to be in the restroom across the lobby for a minute if they were looking for me. I spent the next three minutes trying to justify skipping this test. I am usually good at justification, but I knew I needed to get it over with. I swear I just peed a tiny little bit. It didn't even help. As soon as I sat down in the waiting area, they called me over to register. I wanted to scream as I answered the same questions I had already answered on the phone when I made the appointment.

After a 5 minute inquisition, I was pointed over to the radiology desk. I stood there for about 20 seconds listening to several employees talking in a room right beside the desk. I finally got someone's attention and they were kind enough to call back and see how long my wait would be. The tech came and got me in under 2 minutes. I had debated having another tiny pee, but wasn't sure I could make it all the way to the restroom without wetting myself. I just stood there praying the room was close by. It was.

The tech assured me that she would only need about 5 minutes. I had to drop my pants and panties to my knees and she did her thing. I had a good view of the screen and while I am no expert, I did not see anything obviously out of place and she didn't circle anything. I was allowed to pee and then strip from the waist down for the fun part. She was a bit brutal with the wand, but it's really not her fault. My left ovary is in a funky place and it takes a bit of work to get a good view of it. She would not give me a hint about anything. I spent the second part of the ultrasound studying her face and looking for clues since the screen was no longer in my field of vision. She should really play poker. I got nothing. I could have had a third ovary and she would not have flinched.

I finally got the results Friday. It all came back normal with the exception of a small cyst on my right ovary. This explains the occasional twinges I get. From the brief conversation I had with the nurse, this is not a bad thing and can even help sustain a pregnancy. I need to research that more to fully understand why, but it sounds like a positive thing.

So, we are on for a clomid cycle. I have to call on cycle day 1 and they will call in my prescription and give me the instructions. I will start having ultrasounds on cycle day 12 until they tell me to shoot up with the ovidrel.

More as it happens.

Progress

2007-12-28T21:33:00.000-05:00

The new OB/GYN is amazing. She is very easy to talk to and wants to take an aggressive approach to getting me pregnant and keeping me that way.

I went and had blood work drawn today for 22 different tests. I almost needed a transfusion after they were done. This blood work was timed to check assorted hormone levels. I can't wait to see if my self diagnosis of low progesterone is right.

Now we wait for the results and for my many other Doctors (as well as the Husband's Urologist) to send over our records for her to review.

She has already told me that barring a freakish result on one of my tests or something in my records that is way off what I told her, that I will be starting Clomid and another injection next month. She sent me home with a folder with info about the treatments. The highlight of the injection is getting to jab a needle completely into my stomach on a daily basis. As much as I hate needles, I am actually excited about the prospect of doing it if it means we can end up with a healthy child in the end. I would do it every day for the next 18 years if I had to.

Had a huge convo with my Grandmother today. I ended up in tears telling them how I feel that I have let them and my parents, particularly my Mom, down by not having a baby yet. She told me that they (my Grandaddy and her) were not sure we were still even trying and that they had accepted that we may not want one.

She also said that my Mom had told her that she still really wants grandchildren but understands that neither my SIL or I may be able to provide that and she has come to terms with that. We also discussed adoption and I feel a lot more comfortable that an adopted child would be treated the same as a child actually born to me. Not that I thought my family would reject an adopted baby, but I had no idea how my Grandparents would feel. I knew they would love the child because that is just how they are, but I worried that they would somehow feel less attached to him or her. I guess I should have known better since my cousin (the son of my Grandmother's older sister. He is closer in age to my mother than to me because my Grandma is the baby of the family) is adopted and he was treated the same as any other Niece or Nephew in the family.

Mostly they just want the Husband and I to be happy and have the family that we want.

I just want to give them a great grandchild while they are still able to enjoy him or her (or both).

Speaking of both, I am secretly happy about the increased chance of multiples that the Clomid will bring. I will be ecstatic to have one healthy baby, but the chance to have two would be a wonderful gift.

I guess we get to see how the deductibles works on our new insurance. I get to pay 10% of every blood test known to man. Can't wait to see how much that works out to be. Luckily my employer reimburses us for the first $2,000.00.

More updates as they happen.

Long Time No Blog

2007-12-19T23:12:00.000-05:00

We are officially in the new house. We have been for a couple of weeks, but we are no where near settled. We still dig around in boxes on a daily basis, searching for something we need but have not unpacked yet. The garage is a maze of cardboard boxes and plastic totes, with a path to the door and smaller, sub-paths that lead to major box formations.

New furniture has mostly been purchased and almost everything has at least been decided on. Christmas preparations have taken over any spare time that we would normally devote to house stuff. I am really looking forward to the new year when we can take down the holiday decorations and get started on painting and getting art on the walls.

Last month's cycle was a mess. I started spotting on the day I O'ed (cycle day 18). This cycle was the first cycle that I had taken the B6 from day 1 (started on day 5 the previous cycle), and I was really hoping it had something to do with that, so I immediately stopped the B6, but the spotting continued. After a week I was convinced that I was just to have a really short cycle and cycle day 1 was coming any day, but I managed to have a 30 day cycle with spotting every day until the real deal showed up.

I had another small incident of spotting on cycle day 18 again this month, but this was a one time occurrence and that is not unusual for me. I had an appointment with my new OB/GYN on cycle day 20, and as of that time I had not O'ed for the month. She did not feel that it was necessary for me to continue charting for reasons I will explain in my next post, so I haven't temped any more since the appointment and don't know if I ever did O or not.

More on the new Doctor and our next steps in my next installment.

Not much to report

2007-11-12T11:27:00.000-05:00

We are approaching the O, but it is probably still a few days away. Probably right around the time we close on our house this coming Friday. The stress of that has kept my mind off of the stress of our baby making endeavours.

We got the results back from biopsy of "the thing" they removed from the Husband. It is benign like they thought. He is now healed up nicely and has an impressive scar to remember the whole ordeal. We discussed it the other night and though he says he was not expecting much pain, he was really happy with the fact that he had virtually no pain, even without the meds. The worst part for him was the epic vomiting the day of the surgery, most likely due to the anesthesia, and the bit of chafing he experienced right before it was completely healed. My worst part was the epic worry, but that is pretty standard for me.

For my part, I have been trying to resolve my pathetic luteal phase (9 days on average, with a record low of 7 and best of 12) with a daily dose of 100mg of vitamin B-6. I started this on day 5 of my last cycle and it had the effect of moving my already late O day to day 19 from day 17. I was ready to ditch it until it proved itself somewhat worthy by giving me a 10 day luteal phase.

We are giving it one more shot this month to get me to "O" sooner or we are tossing it aside for Clomid. Truthfully, there were only two reasons it got a second chance this month. One was the fact that it did not get a fair shot last month since I didn't start taking it until day 5. Not nearly enough time for it to straighten things out, but this month we are already on day 17 with no confirmed "O". By looking at my chart it might have happened on day 15, but Fertility Friend is not ready to call it and I am not convinced yet. The second reason was that our insurance switched on Nov 1st (cycle day 7) and I need to find a doctor who will at least pretend to give a damn and hopefully has an in-house lab as we now have deductibles.

I might be breaking out the old ovulation detector next month. Might as well get my money's worth from the thing.

That wasn't so bad

2007-10-23T16:01:00.000-04:00

We are back from the surgery and it went well.

I have to admit I was a little freaked out when they let me back to see him before the surgery. I am not used to seeing him sick or vulnerable, so the sight of him lying on the hospital bed with IVs and monitors, wearing the gown, the super cool hairnet and booties shocked me a bit.

He was getting impatient because the Dr. was 45 minutes late, but once they gave him the Versed he was a happy camper. So happy he asked for a couple of hits to-go and was trying to score some for me.

We were told the procedure would last 45 minutes, so when the Dr. called my name after only 20 I had a momentary internal freak out. Turns out it is fatty deposits, possibly a fatty tumor. I see many an inside joke about this in the future. Of course "the thing" will be sent to be tested, but he was confident that it is benign.

The Husband was a little nauseous upon waking, but they popped something in his IV and put a cool, damp cloth on his head. He was feeling well enough to eat ice, sip water and eat a few saltines and then we were allowed to leave. He is currently in no pain. He is actually playing Pac-Man as I type and has already said he wants to go out to a few stores this evening for stuff for the new house. I picked up his pain pills just in case, but he may not even need them.

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. They really helped. He goes back to the Urologist next Monday for a follow up and they will discuss the semen analysis results then.

Update on the Husband

2007-10-22T10:18:00.001-04:00

The Husband went back to the urologist and had a nice convo with him regarding "the thing". This appointment was much better than the last. The Dr. was not so rushed and while he still could not give the Husband much in the way of what he thought it might be, he was still very reassuring that it was probably nothing serious.

He also assured the Husband that it was no where near any essential baby-making areas and was at no risk of damaging anything important. Possibly freaked out by the Husband's many questions regarding the fertility damage potential, he ordered a semen analysis for him for before and after the procedure. I guess he wants to cover his butt. That is fine with us since the Husband has not had one in 6 years and since he ordered it as part of the treatment for "the thing" it is covered under our insurance.

The Husband did the first test the other day and surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. He claims he is not worried, but I am a bit. I know they will send it off for testing, but I am hoping the Dr. will tell us what he visually diagnoses it as after the procedure tomorrow. It will be very comforting to hear benign cyst, which is what we are hoping it is.

If it's not one thing it's another

2007-10-13T21:47:00.000-04:00

Well, the Husband went to his Dr's appointment and while he was there, he brought up the strange lumpy thing that comes in goes in his testicle area. It has worried me for years, but he had thoroughly researched it on the Internet and self diagnosed it as nothing to be concerned about. I was still a bit concerned, but the worry factor hit a high when I was reading a blog from a male infertility sufferer who had the condition that the Husband believes he has and it has been a major factor in their failure to conceive.

The cute female Dr. felt the area (the Husband was less than thrilled that I had selected an attractive female as our primary care physician) and ordered an ultrasound to get a better look. The Husband did not bother to tell me that she also called a few days after the ultrasound to say that though she did not feel anything in her exam, the test showed a mass and she referred him to an urologist. He finally told me after his appointment with the Urologist on Thursday. And what an appointment it was.

He was finally seen an hour after his scheduled appointment time. The Dr. made a quick exam of the area and immediately recommended surgery to remove the mass. This caught the Husband by surprise as there was no discussion of what it could be, just a quick decision to cut into his sack and yank it out. When the Husband tried to discuss what the mass might be he was told that it could be almost anything and it was probably nothing to worry about (easy to say when it's not your testicles) because it is an unlikely location for any cancer. When the Husband pressed him for a bit more info before being sliced open, the obviously rushed Dr. was very nonchalant, saying again that it was probably nothing to worry about but it wouldn't hurt to remove it just because.

The husband disagrees about the not hurting part. He is more than willing to have the procedure (out patient, pretty minor), but would like to spend at least a few minutes discussing the issue. They apparently see things a bit differently and when he called back on Friday to request an appointment to speak with the Dr. he was told they had already scheduled his surgery for October 23rd. Wow! He has an appointment for Monday (they are really good about seeing you quickly), but this appointment is only necessary because he spent a grand total of 5 minutes with the Doctor on his first visit and the Doctor was obviously not prepared because one of the things he told the Husband was that he would like for him to get an ultrasound before the surgery. The Husband, who was at this point stunned to the point of not knowing what to say, told him that he had just had an ultrasound and that was why he was referred here. A quick check in the computer proved him right, but instead of taking the 20 seconds to look over the results, he told him he would try to look at them later. Unbelievable.

When I was informed of this visit, I immediately told the Husband that he really needed to locate another Urologist and get a second opinion. I would prefer this man not come near my husband with a scalpel, but the Husband is willing to give him a second chance to sit down and discuss the risks and such.

According to the Husband's research, the mass (which shall now be referred to as the "thing" since I really don't like the word "mass") is probably one of two things. It is not actually attached to the testicles, it just shares the general area with them. It does not cause pain and it fluctuates in size. When a light is shined behind it (yes, this is a legitimate diagnostic tool according to the info the Husband has found) it shines through the "thing" which means that it is fluid and not solid. It is probably either an enlarged vein (think varicose vein) or a blocked sperm duct. According to the research, it is usually not removed unless it causes pain or is upsetting enough to the patient to warrant it's removal for peace of mind. The removal can also decrease fertility, so that is a major consideration for us.

On one hand we don't want to take any risks that this could stand a very slight chance of being something that needs to be removed, but we also don't want to do any more damage to our fertility. I would really like to be at this appointment, but apparently this Doctor is not really big on spouse participation judging by a scene the Husband witnessed while waiting for his turn.

We should have more answers by Monday, but who knows at this point. If he does need the surgery, we would really like to have it done before the end of October since my insurance changes on November 1st and we will then have a deductible.

Green Light

2007-10-01T17:18:00.000-04:00

Today I got off work at 12 due to a switch with a co-worker. I decided to use my free time to run errands. One of those errands was dropping by the Dr's office to get my blood work results. My iron levels are normal. I have achieved normal iron levels. This is great news. We can try this month. Nothing is holding us back for the first time in years. It's like a tiny miracle. To celebrate this miracle, my body has decided to have my period visit me 2 days early for the last 2 cycles. Cause O'ing on day 17/18 wouldn't screw me enough, now I have 26 day cycles.

To be fair to my body (who has been nothing but hateful to me), this has happened before. The most recent time was during our move last October. I had a really long cycle and then a couple of shorter than normal cycles. I think the stress of an out-of-state move and job change could have been the cause. The current stress is a month of night shift thrown into my usual day shift life. The switch to nights and then back to days happened right at the start of both offending cycles so I will assume this is the problem and not stress.

Mission Accomplished

2007-09-25T16:48:00.000-04:00

Whoo Hoo! I am officially back on the day shift. I have worked night shifts on a rotating basis for 7 years now, but after almost a year on days this night stuff has kicked my butt. I think it is because since I knew it was temporary and not my permanent lifestyle I was pretty good about keeping my schedule on my days off. This meant that I was not miserably tired at work, but it also meant almost no socialization with anyone outside of work because while I am all wound up and awake at 3 am, not many other people are. When I was on nights before it was too tempting to screw up my sleep schedule in an effort to actually be out in the daylight hours. Now I have no excuse not to get that blood work done to check my iron levels. No excuse except that the nurse who has to order the blood work refuses to return my calls. This is the last hurdle in the way of actively trying to get pregnant.

Yesterday and today are my days off and I knew that I had to get that blood work situation straightened out or I would not have another chance until next Monday. Yesterday the Husband asked me to call our Dr's office and schedule an appointment for him to have his tummy looked at. For the last 5 or 6 years he has suffered from occasional bouts of what has been diagnosed, after much testing, as Diverticulitis. He has it mostly under control but has recently had another flare up and just wants to discuss medications with our new Dr. When I called to make his appointment, I mentioned to the receptionist that I had been trying for about 3 weeks to get the lab paperwork needed to have my iron levels checked again. She assured me should would personally deliver the message and someone would call me back. No one did. Surprise. So today I decided that while I was our running errands, I would just drop by to pick up the paperwork the Husband needed to fill out and stand in front of the desk until someone decided to give me my lab papers. I was all pumped up for a confrontation, but instead I was walking back to my car with the forms in hand within 2 minutes of walking in the door.

I headed straight over to the lab and spent 30 minutes in an empty waiting room because despite the fact that I signed in, I was so quiet they forgot I was there. I will have to remember to turn the magazine pages louder next time.

Lucky for me my favorite Lab Tech was on duty. This woman is amazing with a needle. I point out my best arm and she gets it on the first stick every time and I barely feel a thing. This woman has skills.

She is also about 8 months pregnant and due in the beginning of November. She has the cutest baby bump and was so excited when she told me it was her first and is going to be a girl. And I was truly happy for her. It hit me in the car, I was really happy for her. There was no jealousy or self pity, just joy that she is about to have a baby that she obviously really wants. Maybe this is a sign.

I should have the lab results back in a few days. No doubt I will have to use my lunch break to go to the Dr's office to get my results. I really hope my iron levels are in normal range. Especially since we kind of tried this month. I know we should have waited, but it just kind of happened. I am pretty sure the timing was much too late, but I didn't chart this month (just needed a break) so I can't say for sure.

Feeling Sorry For Myself. What a way to start a blog

2007-09-21T02:20:00.000-04:00

So I am just sitting here feeling sorry for myself and then feeling guilty because so many of you are still dealing with the newness of your loss, but I am just so tired of this whole process.
I lost my first 8 years ago now. We have been trying or at least trying to try ever since.
It took 18 months to get pregnant again and I lost that one too. My wonderful OB/GYN referred me to a RE who ran every test in the book and found no definite answer. A couple of maybes, but no cure.
Then he tweaked my thyroid and sent me into hyperthyroidism and I spent months dealing with that. I remember talking to the Dr. that did my radioiodine therapy right before they dosed me and being upset that he said I would need to wait 3 months before trying again to make sure the radiation was out of my system before the baby started to develop a thyroid. How naive I was to think that I had overcome the obstacle and would get to jump right back into the TTC world.
Next came a solid year of trying to get my now underactive thyroid to a normal level and keeping it there for more than a month.
Then it was back to the RE for more "lets wait and monitor your cycle some more". For what. Till my eggs shrivel from age and turn to dust and you can provide a definite reason.
Gave up on the RE and decided with the help of my OB/GYN to go about it on our own, but then came a job switch and we just need to wait a few months to get settled in before springing a pregnancy on them (Ha!).
Then came the abnormal pap. Than another followed by a leep procedure. Then a move to another state and another new job and waiting for a clear pap. Got the clear pap but now I am friggin Anemic. Will it never friggin end?
Here we stand at 2 good Paps in a year and I can't get the damn Dr's office to call me back so I can go to the lab and have my iron checked again. I will be going down to their office tomorrow to stand and stare at them through the glass window till the give me the paper.
The real kicker though is today was open enrollment for Insurance at work. They have totally switched everything and we are now offered AFLAC. I was sitting with the Rep trying to figure out the best plans for us when it dawned on me that I have done this same thing every year since 1999. Every year I agonize over getting the perfect supplemental insurance plan for when I get pregnant and every year it goes to waste, never touched for a pregnancy.
Of course I told the Rep that we were trying to get Preg and told her that I have had previous problems and she was so friggin sweet and kept saying things to make me feel better and hopeful and it did make me feel better (long story about her Pastors wife who also suffered 2 losses and now has 2 beautiful daughters) but it also made me cry. Nothing better than sitting in the conference room at City Hall with your coworkers trying to figure out a dental plan and bawling (I was quite, but if anyone looked they were gonna notice).
Thanks to anyone who made it through this novel and I hope that I was able to help with your insomnia.